The Lages

Bentley Austin Larimer

2012-01-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I want to introduce to you, #13: Bentley Austin Larimer. He made his appearance January 17th at 2:05pm. Bentley weighed in at 6lbs 5oz, and 19 1/2in long. Heather was given an epidural but didn't have time for it to kick in. Before long, she was holding Bentley in her arms.
I love being around the little ones, and Bentley makes #13 in the line of Nieces and Nephews for me. It saddens me that I wont' get to bond with him or get to know him for much more than 3 weeks, but it'll be good to get to know Harper. I am thankful to my family for trusting in me enough to let me near their kids. This situation with my "friend" and her kids has really destroyed me mentally and emotionally, and though I find myself second guessing myself and questioning how I am with the kids now, it's comforting to know that my family trusts me. It's good to know that they know that I would NEVER hurt a child, and encourage me to lend a hand.
Though I'll be missing out on about 7months of Bentley's life, I look forward to watching him grow, and see his little personality emerge. I look forward to getting to know Harper, helping him grow and learn. Because of my situation at hand, though people tell me I need to get out of child care all together, I cannot. Like I told my younger brother today, because I have no kids of my own, it helps to be around everyone else's. Children are my passion, and I can't just walk away. I'm sure people won't fully understand it, kids aren't for some people, but for me, well, I invest not only time when I watch children, but my heart as well. All I want for the kids I run into in my life, is their well being, to make an impact on their life, and help them learn and grow. To those of you who have never lost faith/trust in me with children, thank you. I lost my confidence, and my aim is to get that back while I'm with Harper, Dan and Chrystal.

Happy Birthday To Me.......Yeah Right!!!

2012-01-05T17:44:00.000-07:00

The cake says it all! Here's the story, I've had a really hard time with some issues that has come up with a "friend" lately, and I haven't had a dry eye since Tuesday night. This friend won't talk to me or work through these issues with me, and yes, it is VERY upsetting, especially with what the whole thing is about. SO anyway, the title of this post is "Happy Birthday To Me......Yeah Right!!!" well, here's why it's that.
Because of all the stuff going on since Tuesday night, I have taken Advil PM for my anxiety in hopes to sleep. I had no problems Tuesday night with it, but last night, when I took it, it took me FOREVER to fall asleep, and like clockwork, I was up by 7am this morning, and my instant thought was the situation I am in. The tears started flowing, heart continued to ache, and I just lied there, wishing I could re-do this week and change some things. The things that I'm accused of, loss of my job be it permanent or temporary, and the possible loss of a friend. Then when I open up Facebook, see the birthday wishes pour in, touched me, but not as deeply as I needed it to. I wish I could enjoy my birthday but the emptiness inside of me is overwhelming and won't go away, no matter how hard I try.
If the emptiness wasn't enough to deal with, my dear sweet husband tried to fix me breakfast in bed. I absolutely LOVED the gesture, but couldn't eat what he fixed as he had pepper in it, which most of you know, doesn't agree with my tongue issues. He cut me apples instead, and I was greeted with the apples and a very happy 23mo. boy saying Happy Birthday to me. It was a little ray of sunshine in this dark storm I'm weathering. It's hard for me to make the best of my "special" day when I've got myself into a deep dark place. I'm trying, but today everything seems to go wrong. I was supposed to go to lunch with my sister, but instead, I wait until 3pm for Dave to get back from running an errand. I didn't get my paycheck from the School District, money I was counting on getting. So when we go to the store to find a cake, Dave, Troy and I were looking at them. I didn't want a white one, and really don't care for the whipped icing, then I ran across the one in the photo. The brown horse was origionally standing up. I joked with Dave and told him that we should get it because it had a dead horse on it. Yes, in my head it was the perfect tribute to my day. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, and well, I saw myself as the horse that gave up, lied down in the river and drowned itself. Why try to have a good birthday when it seems like all I am doing is beating a dead horse. Then when Heather got back from the store with it, she told me about the 2nd horse falling over, I just shook my head and told her, "It's typical for the day I've had". I know I'm negative, and YES, I did remind myself of 2 positive things (referring to my Jester's Jungle Blog entry) today, #1: Although I feel so alone right now, like nobody understands me or what I'm going through, I AM loved, and can see it the most in the shiny brown eyes of that 20mo running around the house all day. #2: It doesn't matter how depressed I am, how hard I am on myself or what I've done or haven't done, my husband loves me with all his heart. I KNOW this, but there are so many times where I don't feel loved or understood. I cannot lie, I hope the rest of the night gets better, and look forward to it being over with....

Showing a little Face....book!

2011-12-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

I chose this picture for my post, because in my mind, it's the road of life. We can choose to veer into the field to the left, and make bad choices in our life, or to the field to the right, and live the right way. I've been doing a lot of thinking, not just because of the holidays, but because that's what I've been doing to try to understand why I have my bouts of depression. Anyway, I had quite the interesting Chrsitmas Day, and though I'd LOVE to express my thoughts like everyone else on Facebook, I'm doing it here, a little more private, and more than likely, more raw as well, hence the title, "Showing a little Face.....book!" Anyway, I thought I'd share with you guys how my Christmas Day went down, and the things I learned about/from it.
Although I no longer feel welcomed there, Dave and I drove to Jerome to visit his Family on Christmas Day. When we got there, nobody was home, so we spent a little time together enjoying each other's company and the smell of the Turkey cooking in the oven. Before long, the family came home, and I went out to the truck to charge my phone. Jacob got out of his vehicle, brought 2 gifts to my truck and said they were for Rj, the son he has with another woman. I let him put them in my truck, and then he told me he wanted to come with me to see him. I had to go there to pick a picture up and said that was fine, but he had to let everyone know where we were going. We had to wait an hour before we headed over there, and when the time came to go, as I was heading out the door, I heard " Where are you guys going?". I was too far away to hear what was answered, but Jacob's wife came to the truck and asked " Are you going to go see that B*&@$" and Jacob replied "No, I'm going to go see my son." and she slammed my door. After laying into her about slamming my door, we all got ready to pull out when Dave's dad came running out of the house, hollering for Jacob to come back and talk to him. He did, and as he got to his Dad, I sent Dave to make sure facts were set straight. Things began to get pretty ugly, and I was ready to gather our things, get Dave and head home. I heard Dave's dad say that Jacob was throwing away his family for a child nobody else can get to know, as that was said, Dave stepped in and started telling him that the child's mother WANTS him to know his dad's family. Before he could finish his sentence, his dad told him to butt out and that it was none of his business. One thing lead to another and the boys got in the truck and we left.
When we got back, Dave's mom was in her room, his dad took Jacob into another room and talked to Jacob, and Dave walked over to Dana, looked her in the eyes and had a lengthy lecture/talk to her. She tried to deny the extent of her involvement on the situation, said the kids weren't allowed near RJ because she wasn't and all other kinds of CHILDISH crap! Dave told her that he didn't care how or what happened, all that matters is the children at this point. He told her that it wasn't fair the kids got to know their "sister from another mister" but aren't allowed to know their "brother from another mother". He didn't care how either came to be, it was childish to punish the kids just because both mothers don't see eye to eye or like each other. He also reinstated what we've been saying all along, she and Jacob need to leave phones off or at home, drop the kids off with the grandparents and go somewhere and talk. From there, he went into his mom's room to talk to her.
I didn't hear much of that conversation, other than I went in and told her myself that Rj's mom wants him to get to know them and everyone else in the family, that I would make arrangements for them ALL to meet him. By this time, dinner was ready and we ate, and went about our Christmas business. When we left, we went by the Hospital to visit Dave's grandfather for a little bit. On our drive home, I found something out that just got me floored. While he was talking to her, Dave's mom told him something that I suspected for a while would happen. There's people in the family who firmly believe/think that the family is having problems because David decided to join the LDS church. Yes, I was quite mad at hearing this, seriously, do you have to be that ignorant? I just can't really understand how people can be so, ugh, I can't even find the words for it. Blaming family problems on a different religion as yours is like me saying I don't have kids because my sister has tattoos. Seriously folks, religion doesn't really cause problems, no matter what kind of religion it is. People cause problems, and if you're out accusing others and their beliefs for those problems, you're a big coward. What gets me even more is that Dave and I are really not included in the family. I have began to consider ourselves "Black Sheep" because nobody on that side ever talks to us with the exception of Jacob or Rachel, unless it's about a birthday, we're never kept in the loop on what's going on in the family, and when we try to make contact, well, honestly, I've had a better conversation out of a wall. Despite feeling this way, I'm working with Rj's mom to get them to meet with Dave's family. I'm focusing on my husband and myself, and at this point, like I've told Rachel and Jacob, I'm gonna be there for Jacob, Rachel and the kids. Everyone else doesn't want a thing to do with us, well, that's their problems. I'm sorry, but "I Love You" are just words if you don't act on them, I have learned that by experience. Family used to be so important to me, and now, I wonder. Really, what does it mean anymore. I was thinking about the old saying "Blood is thicker than water" well, I've added a twist to that, "Blood is thicker than water because of all the CRAP in that blood." I'm done ranting, so I hope you all enjoyed, I enjoyed quite a few aspects of my Christmas with the In-Laws, but am glad it's over. Happy Holidays.

Patience Pays OFF!

2011-12-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gents, I am so happy to announce that.......Dave and I are......................well we're expecting. Yup, we're expecting to go to the temple sometime this month. Yeah, I went there, me of all people. Anyways, it's been about 4yrs or so since Dave and I have had a VALID Temple Recommend. Today, after some work, we got our recommends. We still need to talk to the Stake Presidency, but that shouldn't be hard to do, and before the end of this year, we WILL make it through a session.
I can also say that we're in the habit of paying tithing on a regular basis. Though I'm having some tough times, ups and downs, and feel like I'm always on a roller coaster, right now, life seems to be getting back on track. It's a long road, and wont' be easy, but with the right support from people, I know I can do it. Today as I was waiting for Dave to get out of his interview, I looked at the Young Women's theme that was hanging on the wall. It was different from when I was in Young Womens, they added another value, and another line, but other than those changes, I knew it word for word, and I thought "That's what life's like, never the same, always changing." We can take the changes as good, or take them as bad, it's all on how we handle them. Thanks to my older brother's wisdom, I'm changing my outlook on life and how I handle things in them. It's a rough journey, and not a quick fix, but I'm willing to make the changes I need to.

TURKEY DAY

2011-11-24T18:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, let me start out by saying HAPPY THANKSGIVING! So it's not so happy for Turkeys everywhere, but what can we say, those birds are just so darn good, especially deep fried! Anyway, this week has been quite busy for me. I woke up Sunday morning with a really nasty headache. I figured it was due to a toothache, so that Monday morning I called the dentist. They said they could get me in at 10am, that morning, so Kaitlynn and I went. Before we went, I also made an appointment with my doc to be re-checked for a UTI. Kaitlynn had the experience of a lifetime there. Not only did they give her a balloon, but they let her take the X-Rays of my teeth, and spent some time with the receptionist. The dentist went to drill, and ended up busting off the whole face of one of the teeth. Sadly, I wasn't surprised something like that would have happened. After the dentist, I went back to watching the kids, and took it easy the rest of the day. Tuesday morning I went to the Doctor with Dave and the kids. They waited in the waiting room while I peed in the cup and found out that I just had a yeast infection caused by the meds given to me to cure my UTI. We went home, got lunch and naps squared away, and when kids left and Mom got home, went to fill my prescription. We got all our shopping done for Thanksgiving dinner, and called it a night. Wednesday was spent baking pies, picking rolls up and cleaning. Mom did majority of the work, I tried to keep the kids out of the way. As I was online getting coloring pages, I somehow screwed up my part of the computer, and spent about 5hrs trying to fix it, we thought it was fixed by the time a VERY frustrated Jess went to bed.
Dave and I slept in today, it was nice to be able to feel rested when we got up, had breakfast with the whole family and I found that my computer problem wasn't fixed. I spent about 3 1/2hrs trying to fix the problem, and I am VERY PROUD to say that I did it. I had a nice time with my family, cuddling with Tucker while watching the new Conan movie with Dave, laughing at/with Marsh and just relaxing and reflecting on life in general. I am thankful for my family, we don't always get along or talk to each other, but I wouldn't trade them for anyone else. We have our quirks, but who doesn't? Hope you guys have a very happy Thanksgiving.

Reflecting

2011-11-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

Today my newest nephew, Harper Tritz Hollingsworth, is officially a week old. I was able to see some more pictures of him, and though I wanted to post a photo on here, I didn't because I haven't gotten permission from the parents. Anyway, with his birth, being around Tucker, Josie, Troy, Kaitlynn and Madison, and watching Heather prepare for Bently arriving into this world, adding my friend's new additions to their family, I've done a lot of thinking back on things, and though I shouldn't live in the past, it helps with the new editions around me.
I joke that I was the first kid in my family to give my parents a grandchild. I'm pretty sure everyone has their doubts, but I know deep down in my heart that I was expecting, and lost that baby shortly into the pregnancy. At the time I lost the baby, I had suspicions that it was a miscarriage but wasn't 100% sure. I didn't dwell on it, but it was always in the back of my mind. Then when my sister in law miscarried, her and my brother came over and they described the whole thing, what it looked like, what she felt and all my doubts were wiped away. I knew right then that I had miscarried, and Dave agreed. What they were telling us, was exactly what I experienced, and they described it as if they were there when it happened.
About a month ago, we went to Deseret Book for a few things. While we were looking around, I found this painting and instantly fell in love with it. When I read the caption, it brought tears to my eyes, because that painting depicts how I feel my baby that I lost is being cared for. I lost that little one so many years ago, but I know it's in good hands, and if I do what I am supposed to, I'll have a chance to hold that little one in my arms, to love it and raise it in the next life. I truly love my Nieces and Nephews, the little kiddos that are in my care, and have been in my care, but just once, I 'd love to be able to not have to give them back, to keep them and raise them. I've read my patriarchal blessing, Dave's too, and even though it's hard, I have the faith that the Lord has something special in mind for me, and I have to abide by the Lord's time, but it's so hard. I struggle to keep positive, have hope and faith that my turn will come. I am happy for my siblings, I love their kids, but dang it, I wanna be part of the Mommy Club dang it!!!!!
I am not writing this to make anyone feel bad, that's not my intention. I'm trying to just get feelings out that I can't seem to put into words when I TALK. Yes, I am jealous of everyone having babies, being unable to have any of my own, everyone says to not think about it, but when I say " I give up" I'm told not to. I don't think anyone fully understands that I just don't have it in me anymore. I'm tired of having the hope that someday I'll be a mother, exhausted and I really don't think I can do it anymore. I say I give up, but really, I just don't want to think about it, and need to just focus on myself and other things. I have issues, those issues need to be resolved before I think of kids, and I have to ignore my biological clock in the meantime. I have to focus on putting my faith in the Lord, and remember that only HE knows what's best for me. Right now, I'm gonna love the little ones in my life with all my heart, and be the best Aunt that I can be for them. I really am happy for my siblings, and welcome Harper with open arms and a open heart.

Lucky #13

2011-11-11T13:01:00.001-07:00

Ok, for years I've been saying that 13 is my lucky number. I know that a lot of people think that particular number is jinxed but it's always seemed to bring me luck.
I was lucky to share 13yrs of my life with the best friend I could have ever had. I don't care if he was a dog, Mason was my best friend and I could count on him come hell or high water. He helped me through 13yrs of a roller coaster ride that at times, I wanted more than anything to get off of.
Now, 13 is the number of Nieces and Nephews I have between the Hollingsworth and the Lage families. We have on the boys: Isaac, Matthew, Joshua, Tucker, Troy, RJ, Andre, Harper and Bently will be coming soon. On the Girls, we have: Sara, Faith, Destiny and Josie. Our newest arrival came on November 9, 2011. He is Harper Tritz Hollingsworth and I am a very happy aunt. I look forward to meeting him in a few months but until then have to settle with pictures. Mom and baby are doing just fine. He was born at 7:03am, weighed in at 6lbs, 2oz and is 18 3/4in long. From the pictures, he's adorable and looks a lot like his mommy (Sorry Dan.). As you all know, I've wanted kids for a really long time, and though it's really hard to see everyone else having the one thing I desire, I want those of you who know my situation, to know that I am genuinely happy for you guys. Dan, Chrystal, thank you so much for keeping me UTD on things, nobody really understands that it's easier on me if I'm included in the loop so to speak, rather than people hiding it from me or worried it'll upset me. I don't like feeling like everyone has to hide their pregnancy, or happieness because of me, it makes things harder for me. I may not be a mother or have kids of my own, but to be included in the lives of my nieces and nephews fills that void more than anyone will know. Once again, I am so happy for the new parents, and can't wait to meet you in person Harper. Aunt Jess loves you much more than you will ever know, just as much as your cousins!

Quite A Night

2011-11-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, so on Friday night, Dave and I took the kids out and walked around the stores for a bit, then picked Pizza up for dinner and headed home. It was snowing nicely, and when we got towards the house, I saw a white pick up pull out of the driveway, and head the opposite direction as I was. The car in front of me immediately flipped a U-turn and flagged the truck down. Thinking it was a little odd, but thought maybe they knew each other and somebody forgot something, I pulled into the driveway and went in the house with Dave and the kids. Not even 10 minutes went by when we heard a knock on our door. It was our neighbor telling us that somebody just ran into one of the cars in our driveway and the person fled the scene. She said her and her husband flagged the driver down and got her license plate number. Police were called and that was the beginning of an exciting evening.
As mom was on the phone with dispatch, I walked in and told her that an officer was already there, and by the time she hung up the phone, two more arrived with lights flashing. I went next door to fill Nicole in on what was going on, and as I was talking to her, you could hear the woman who hit the vehicle (it was a Cadillac that my brother sold an hour prior to being hit) refuse to cooperate with the police, and fight them. It took 3 officers to cuff her and get her into the back of one of the squad cars, all the while trying to calm her boyfriend down as well. I guess what had happened was she was going to see her boyfriend who lives about 3 houses away from us. She pulled into the neighbor's driveway (the ones who flagged her down) almost hitting them, then into our gravel drive way, then into our other driveway hitting the Caddy. What I saw when I was heading home was her backing out of the Caddy and leaving.
Marsh, Emily and the kids showed up shortly after police arrived, and Tucker went nuts over the flashing lights. Once all was said and done, everyone froze and the police left, we resumed business as usual. It was not until 3 days later that we found out that they published it in the local paper, address and all of where it happened. The woman was charged with a DUI and I THINK resisting arrest. It's rarely dull and boring here at the Hollingsworth residence. That's what makes our life fun and eventful, and isn't it what makes memories too?

Ooohh MY!

2011-10-05T21:45:00.000-06:00

Well, the title and picture basically say it all. My friend just recently found a guy after being divorced for a year. She has a full time job, does odd jobs on the side to make ends meet, and though she has custody of the kids ALL the time, she has to pay CHILD SUPPORT! Her ex found out that she found a guy she really likes, and the kids totally love, and he freaked. Although engaged himself, he tells her he misses her, wants her back, and disregards her rejections.

Last week, she broke the news that she was moving in with this guy. He started freaking out even more, threatened to take full custody of the kids and said all kinds of horribly mean things to my friend. He then dragged me into the fight, saying that because I posted on a "dating" site that I was looking for friends and happily married, I was a cheater. He told my friend that I was no longer allowed around his children and that they'd be taken from her because she was an unfit mom. My friend talks to me about her problems, as friends do, and because I live in a house with my sister and my parents as well, it's easy for conversations to be overheard. My sister got sick of it and sent this guy a private message without my knowledge. Later that day, I get a phone call from my friend saying she's going to have to fire me because in their divorce agreement, they have to agree on child care, and he refused to let me watch the kids. She asked about what my sister sent him, and I told her that I had no clue what it said, that I didn't even know she did until now. I told her that I shouldn't be punished for the actions of my siblings and family members and wanted to know why he was so against me watching the kids.
I started crying, telling her it wasn't because I was losing the kids, but because I was afraid for her and the kids, that they don't deserve what he's doing to them and it hurts to see them go through it. She said she understands, and plans on taking him to court. Today, I got the kids, and get them tomorrow for the last time. It breaks my heart to see them go, considering I've been watching the oldest (5yrs) since she was 4mo. my heart broke even more when I told this little kiddo that I wouldn't be watching her anymore, and she frowned, saying " I don't want anyone else to watch me but you." It's hard to explain the grown up aspects to a 5yr old who sees you as her best friend. Only time will tell what comes of everything, I can't change things, tell my friend what to do, or even fix anything, but I can, and will continue to , pray for them. It's not fair that people like that "man" can get away with what he does, and everyone else has to pay for it, especially his children, whom he only really sees as bargaining chips.

Wedded Bliss

2011-09-30T13:25:00.000-06:00

Ok, some of you may not find the humor in all this, that's fine, but I just have to share this story with you, it really cracked me up. For those of you who know, my friend's ex husband is psycho, and completely NUTS! Last night when she picked her kids up, she told me that he said I was cheating on my husband because I had a profile on a dating site. I laughed, just laughed at what he'd told her, because she already knew I had a profile and the whole story behind that profile, here's that story:

A few months back, my friend said that she'd looked at a site, www.plentyoffish.com and found her ex's profile on there. She told me that it was established while they were still married, before their son came along and then proceeded to tell me what he was "looking for" on that site. Of course, after getting off the phone with her and talking to my husband, curiosity got the best of us, and we started searching the site for him. Almost immediately, I got "red tape" so to speak, as I couldn't look at any profiles unless I made one myself. I got the hubby, we sat down and opened up a profile. It stated that I am happily married, that we were looking for friends, and that was all. As soon as that was set up, I found my friend's ex, and sure enough, his profile was established long before their youngest kid was born, that he'd been looking for a possible long term relationship and other lies on there. My husband and I just laughed, thinking that whomever answered that profile was in for a big surprise the moment they spent an hour with the guy.
After that night, my husband and I totally forgot about POF, didn't check to see if there were any messages, nor did I de-activate my profile. Honestly, I didn't even think much of it or how it looks, until last night. After my friend left with her kids, my husband and I got onto the POF site, and looked at the profile again to see if there was something I did to make people think I was cheating. The only thing I did wrong was put a picture of just ME as my profile photo, so I changed it to my wedding pic. I also put that we were looking for a friendship in bold letters. I don't feel guilty about anything, see nothing wrong with my profile, and I'm pretty sure that in the very near future, I'm gonna remove my profile, but right now, it's fun to know it gets under this guy's skin. I hope you guys found this as funny as my husband and I did. Enjoy!

Oh My CANDY CORN

2011-09-14T17:03:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I am chowing down on some Candy Corn late at night, when all of a sudden I run across this bad boy. I won't lie, I"m a little bit of a perve, and couldn't resist showing it to everyone. I almost gave it to Kaitlynn, as I know she likes candy, but just couldn't bring myself to doing it.
Instead, I took this picture, without thinking, posted it on my Facebook, and then ended up deleting it from there the next day as a mother of one of my Primary kids reminded me that I have youngsters on my friends list that shouldn't see that. Normally I would have edited it, created an exclusive list of people who are allowed to see it, but couldn't do that on my phone so I just deleted it.
I've decided to keep it, who knows what I'll do with it in the future. One thing I know is that it's definately wise to watch what you eat. Some people wonder if it was made like that on purpose, but I believe that they're not hand made. Anyway, the little pervert in me came out. I just couldn't bring myself to eating this little thing, but had to show you.

My Best Friend

2011-09-04T23:14:00.000-06:00

I will never forget September 1, as it was a very sad day for me. The only happy moment in that day was when I got to go to Heather's ultra-sound, and listen to Kaitlynn ask, after being shown the "boy part" on the baby, "he doesn't have clothes on?" Heather and I laughed at that, and it took away my worries a little.

Before we went to the Ultra-Sound, we discovered a grim problem with Mason. He couldn't use his back end very well. He struggled to walk, couldn't keep his balance and was very disoriented. I gave him some tylonal to ease his pain while I was at the ultra sound, but when I got back, my heart shattered when I saw that he had proceeded to go down hill. He began to lose control of his bladder, was really drooling, and couldn't walk at all. I called the vet and we got him in within an hour.
The Vet confirmed that Mason had some kind of Neurological damage that could have been caused by a stroke or even cancer. They didn't know for sure, and wouldn't know for sure unless they ran blood work. At that moment, as I began to let the tears flow, I looked at how much my sweet boy was suffering, and then tearfully told the Vet that it'd be better to just let him go. I figured what's the point of spending more money, just to confirm that he was at the end of his road, and continue keeping him in pain while we found a diagnosis. I looked my best friend, my baby boy in the eyes, and knew this is what he wanted too. When the vet and his tech left the room, Dave brought Kaitlynn , Heather and Troy into the room to say their goodbyes. Kaitlynn kissed his head, told him she loved him, and then left to play again. The tears started flowing when I watched Troy with him. He gave Mason the biggest hug he could, said "Bye bye, I love you" in the clearest voice he could, and they left the room. Dave followed behind, leaving me alone to say my farewells.
I looked my sweet baby boy in the eyes, and for 1 minute, they focused on me, taking in what I was saying, and in a way, telling me that he loved me so much. I knew I was making the right decision, that he was grateful, and then, after laying my blanket on the ground for him, he got onto it, lied on my lap, and I held his head, hugging him, talking sweetly to him, and crying. That's how they found me when they came in to euthanize him. Mason didn't struggle when they put the needle in, like he usually would, he looked at me as if to thank me, then he was gone. My heart left with him, and I knew that life would never be the same again. They gave him a little more drugs after that, to make sure that he really was gone, and while we were waiting for the tech to get back with them, I happened to catch the song playing on the radio, and told the Vet it wasn't a good song to play at the moment. It was "Let Her Cry" by Hootie and the Blowfish. I bawled and bawled, knowing my best friend, that sweet little puppy that won so many people over in his life, had to move on to another adventure without me, and it killed me.
We wrapped the blanket around him, put him on a stretcher and carried him to the truck. When we got home, Dad had the grave dug, and ready for Mason. Kaitlynn and I kissed him one last time, and watched as he was burried. Things haven't been the same since. I have a hard time when I leave because when I get back, I expect to be greeted at the door with his big smile, happy to see me, but it's not there. I get up in the morning, look on the floor to make sure I don't step on him, but he's not there. A lot of people don't really understand the bond he and I had, yes, he was a pet, to most people, but to me, he was so much more than that. He was a protector, a companion, a friend, and the love of my life. I didn't want to let go of him, but had to, and look forward to the day I'll get to see him again. For now, like I told him in that little exam room, he's taking care of my kids, looking down on me, making sure I"m ok. I know that with time, I will be able to move on, and that he's not suffering anymore. I miss him so much more than I even imagined, and am taking things one day at time.

"The greatest gift we can give one another is rapt attention to one another's exixtance."

Mason, you truly did that to me. You were by me through thick and thin, were my best friend and was always there for me. I miss you and love you so much!

7 Years and Counting.....

2011-06-12T17:45:00.000-06:00

Well, Dave and I have made it to our 7yr mark, at least as an official married couple. We've been together for 10 full years, and yesterday marked our 7th Anniversary. This year was the first time I've looked forward to our trip we take. Maybe it's because we didn't have a honeymoon, or the "Anniversary Trips" we've taken have been "fly by the seat of our pants" type of trips, where they're last minute and poorly planned.
This year, I sat down and decided to plan it, and what we'd be doing. Our destination: Salt Lake City, Ut. When Dave got his check, we logged in to Priceline, named our price and were booked at the Little America for a total of $155. I was excited to be staying 2 nights in a 4 star hotel for such a little price. I then got online and looked into things we could do that was inexpensive and we'd both enjoy doing.
I kind of wanted to avoid doing a lot at Temple Square, as we go there every time we go to Salt Lake, and Dave was tired of going to zoos, so I looked up other things. I found This is The Place Heritage Monument's website, and saw that they were having a "Real Mountain Man" exhibit while we were there. I figured we could afford the $20 as a couple to go to it, and put it on the "to do " list. Then we planned on going to see Pirates of The Caribbean 3D, check a few other places out and just unwind from everything. The day we got ready to go went pretty rough for me, we had some unexpected expenses, stress levels shot through the roof, and I was just ready to give up. As soon as we hit the road, I started to unwind and just enjoy my time with my husband. I annoyed the crap out of Dave with the music choice, constant talk about kids and everything else, and then lost myself in taking pictures and thinking.
Once we were in Salt Lake and got things going, we had a wonderful weekend, though we returned home with no money but fully relaxed and happy. I'm looking forward to another 40+years with Dave, and hope he feels the same way. If you're interested on our activities from our anniversary, check out Jester's Jungle at www.jestermason.blogspot.com in the next day or two.

Goodbye is Forever...

2011-06-09T17:43:00.000-06:00

Shakspeare said it best when he said "Parting is such sweet sorrow." Yesterday Dante went to his new home, and it was harder than I thought to let him go.
Origionaly the lady was to get him today, but we rushed at getting him ready and Heather and "Monroe" drove him to his new home. Dave came up to say goodbye, and it really yanked at my heart strings to watch my husband cry, really cry, over a dog that he said he'd have no problems parting with.
I let his new owner know how we've been feeding him, what he needs, who is Vet is and anything else that she wanted to know. I told her that she could feed him what and how he wanted, that at first, he'd have the runs and gas until his body adjusted. She said that was fine, and asked if we could keep in touch just in case she has anymore questions. I told her that we'd absolutely love that, then were given the invitation to visit Dante anytime we wanted. She was also told that if it didn't work out, she could bring him back here and we'd re-home him if we didn't have a place of our own.
I wanted so bad to tell Dave "I told you so" when he kept saying he was not as attached to Dante as I am to Mason, but just couldn't bring myself to do so. We know this was the right decision for him, and the best thing as well. We're not giving up on him, but giving him a better quality of life that he needs.

It Rains, It Pours-Literally

2011-06-01T16:25:00.000-06:00

Over the past few months we've been blessed with a lot of rain, too much for the rivers actually. We've had so much rain that the rivers have been flooding pretty bad, and this picture is just a little idea of what I'm talking about. This is a picture of a picnic table at Sacajawea Park. It's results of the Portneuf River flooding, and I was standing at least 10ft away from it.

I know that it's not the best thing, but I love looking at the extent of the floods around, and how it effects the environment around us. While at Sacajawea Park, we couldn't wander very far without being stopped by water, but once again, I started thinking and told Dave that God knows what he's doing. I was told that some think that God is angry, and that may be true, but though it can and probably is causing LOTS of damage, but it's so beautiful to see. Lately, this is what I've been doing when I need to unwind. IF it's not cold or raining, I'll just take a walk, and take pictures of anything that spark my interest, otherwise I get into the truck and we drive to a spot and I shoot whatever intrigues me. I always find a sense of peace and closer to my maker when I'm outdoors, away from the rush of life and things.

Spiritual Thought: OH MY!!

2011-05-25T14:23:00.000-06:00

I took this picture when Dave and I returned Jacob to Idaho Falls this past Sunday. As I was sitting there, listening to the water rush, and taking in the view, I began to think about a lot of things. Looking at the tree, standing firmly on the rock with gallons of water rushing around it, never giving to the heavy flow, I began comparing it to life in general. Maybe it's because I've been teaching Primary for the past few months, maybe I caught the spirit as I sat on the side of the rivier, but this is what I came up with, feel free to share your thoughts.

I "likened" the tree as to ourselves, the rock as the gospel, and the river is the world. When you look at the picture, you can see the debris in the background. As a person, you could be the debris, or you could be the tree. For so many years, I've been the debris, floating around, going along with the flow so to speak. The tree, firmly planted on the rock, has been me lately. Standing on that rock, relying on its strength to keep it strong, it like me, relying on the gospel to keep me strong. Lately, it seems like everyone likes to use me as their "shit stick" or punching bag. I'm to blame for a marriage falling apart, a family shattered to pieces, under-weight kids, and probably even somebody's turds not smelling right. At my lowest the last few weeks, I've wanted to find myself some "concrete shoes" and go swimming in the over-flowing Snake River. When I have these thoughts though, I think of the many things I have around me that I shouldn't give up on. Like the tree relies on the rock, I need to rely on the Gospel much more than I use to. I feel like the overflowing, crazy river of life's problems are trying to knock me down, and like the smaller tree in this picture, thought I appear to be drowning among the troubles, I'm taking a firm grip on the gospel and relying on it for my strength.
Ok, so this all sounded much better and clearer in my head, but doesn't everything? You guys pretty much have an idea though, as to why I am thinking the way I am.

~Wildflower~

2011-05-18T13:00:00.000-06:00

"She's faced the hardest times you could imagine.
And many times her eyes fought back the tears.
And when her youthful world was about to fall in, Each time her slender shoulders, bore the weight of All her fears, and the sorrow no one hears, still rings In midnight silence, in her ears....

Let her cry, for she's a lady. Let her dream, for she's a child. Let the rain fall down upon her, she's a free and gentle flower, growing wild.

And if by chance that I should touch her, let me hold her for a time. And if allowed but one possession, I will pick her from the garden to be mine. Be careful how you touch her, for she'll awaken, and sleep's the only freedom that she knows. And when you walk into her eyes you won't believe, the way she's always payin' for a debt she never owes. And the silent wind still blows, that only she can hear, and so she goes."

When I first heard this song, I was in a rough patch in my life. I quickly felt this song was the best one out there that described how I felt about myself, and it became my "theme song" so to speak. Through the years since then, it has been an appropriate choice. Currently my brother in law is having marital problems. I know with this entry, it's going to start a fire with people, but now's time to throw the shit into the fan so to speak. I've not hidden the fact that I dislike, ok, HATE this brother in law's wife. I have almost since day 1 of meeting her, and have tried to like her for everyone's sake, but just couldn't bring myself to doing it, and haven't hidden it anymore.

Because I have such a hate for her, it seems like they like to blame me for things that go wrong in the family, like she tries to make them think it's my fault. I am closer to my brother in law than I am with the rest of my husband's family, mainly because he talks to me more than everyone else does. When she gets her feelings hurt or can't handle things, she runs and cries to my in-laws, twisting everything into her favor, making herself look good, like her poop smells like roses. I'm tired of that, and from what I've seen my brother in law doesn't get that "Luxury" to vent to very many UNBIASED people so he turns to me, knowing I will listen and not go off on him. Keep in mind, I only hear one side of the story, and regardless of how I feel about this "Little Girl" (I use the term "Little Girl" as she can't own up to her own mistakes and has to blame others for her actions. She also can't face her problems as an ADULT and has to run to mommy and daddy when something happens.) I don't try to get involved. The only thing I have really said to him was/is "Sit down without anyone and actually talk to her, tell her how you feel and go from there"

Recently he's moved to Idaho Falls, and she and the kids are still in Jerome. Since he moved there, he's spent the weekends with us and every time he goes back to Idaho Falls, she gets after him for something stupid, knowing he was around us. Whenever he decides he wants to share his feelings with her, if they are what she doesn't want to hear, she runs and cries to HIS parents, rather than own up to the cause and try to settle it as a couple. Because of this, I have now been the blame of all their problems, and my Father in law backs her up on all of it. I think it's sad that even though we've basically been "outcasts" in their family, they go further and basically tell the ONLY one who makes the effort to talk to us, not to because we're bad for him.

I once believed in the importance of family, but as each day goes by, that belief has vanished. As I said before, I'm knowingly throwing the "crap into the fan" at this point, but feel like I have nothing to lose. I've tried and tried, but it's no use "beating a dead horse" so now the balls in their court, and they know where to find me. To those family members who read this, I am not to blame, it is not, nor has it ever been my fault that this Brother In Law got his spine back and stood for how he feels.

Why I Do This

2011-05-13T12:45:00.002-06:00

 Ok, so all of you who are reading this know that for over 6yrs, I've struggled to get pregnant, lost a pregnancy, and struggle to stay strong with each pregnancy in the family.

 This is something that I should have done a long time ago, and I need to let everyone know this. First of all, to Chrystal and Heather, and their spouses, CONGRATS! I couldn't be happier for you guys. Same with Rachel and Andy, I can't wait to see my new nephew.

  That being said, I really appreciate the consideration of my feelings being spared when you find out you're expecting, but at the same time, it makes it worse if you don't tell me. In the long run, don't hesitate to share the good news, because beneath the tears, I really genuinely am happy for you. I may not be a mom, but I can be the best Aunt those kids can see and know. That being said, I want to share with everyone why it is that I cry when I hear the good news, and why I also hurt. I don't know that very many people know as I kept my pain deep within myself, but deep down , in the bottom of my heart, I believe that I was expecting about 4yrs ago, but lost it a few weeks into the pregnancy. Because the pregnancy test came back negative, Dave didn't believe me, but deep in my heart, I knew. Then when Emily miscarried before Tucker came along, and told us all about it, Dave knew I was too pregnant.

   I don't cry because I can't have kids as easy as others, but because every time somebody mentions they're expecting, I think of that little one I lost. My child would be about 4 or 5yrs old right now, maybe younger, don't remember for sure. I hide the pain I feel every day for that child, and though I come across as sad or hurt, I really truly am happy for my friends and siblings who are expecting.  

A New Chapter

2011-03-09T13:23:00.001-07:00

Well, everyone pretty much knows by now, that I'm
losing my little alarm clock. Chas got his job in WY, and next week Heather and Troy will be moving there as well. I have mixed emotions about it, sure, I'm happy that they're going to be able to live together as a family in a place of their own, but at the same time....

I've developed the relationship I've always wanted with my sister. We have started scrap booking together, and I'm used to seeing her and Troy each and every day. Troy has been around me since he was born, when Heather had post partum, I stepped in and tried to help any way I could with the baby, and at times, even just took him from her to give her a break.Since his birth, as with Tucker, and all my other nieces and nephews, Troy has woven his way so deep into my heart, that I know I'm gonna miss his goofy smiles, bath times, and even playing Andrea Bocelli at night when he's sleepy.

I hope that I get to see him more often than not, but only time will tell. I will miss the scrap booking with Heather, just sitting around talking to her, and yes, even fighting with her a little bit. I am happy for them, selfishness aside, and only wish them the best. Hopefully Dave and I will be moving on soon, fingers are crossed and the search is deep. We're working on cutting out bills that are not necessary, and though it took time and work, I managed to single handedly knock out $200 + a month by working on getting out of my Inches A Weigh contract. I had told them that I cannot afford it anymore, then after the owner e-mailed me back saying he'd be happy to postpone 2 payments, I told him that it wasn't a solution to the problem, that I wasn't happy with how I've been treated there also. Last night when I logged into my E-Mail, I found a message from the Owner of Inches A Weigh, he said that he releases me from the contract and the payments. It was like Christmas all over again.

Happy Holidays

2010-12-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, Janelle referred me to Sears when she got her pictures taken. I was called and notified that I had won a FREE 10x13 portrait and sitting, and set up a date to go in a week later.
Through the week, I began to realize that I really didn't want my picture taken, so I sat down with Dave and after a nap the night before the appointment, I remembered always hearing Mom say how she would like a picture of ALL her grandkids together. I thought, and thought, and thought some more, then went to Dave and told him about an idea I had. Instead of Dave and I getting our pictures taken, we thought it'd be a nice surprise if we got Tucker, Josie and Troy together for a session so to speak. Dave called and made arrangements with Marsh and Emily about it, made sure they liked the idea, while I talked to Heather and Chas. We all thought it'd be a great idea, and take advantage of a free session. That following day, we ALL made it to the appointment, and though Josie was trying to sleep and often cranky, it was a lot of fun. This is one of the versions of the photo that I chose. It was the best of all the kids together, and the one for mom is in color, and the 10x13. There were some really cute ones of the kids separately, but we couldn't afford it at the time, and hopefully we can order those soon as well.
I hope you all enjoy the picture, Dan, Chrystal, I've got one for you guys that 'll come soon. Other than that, life here has been pretty busy. We've been making and preparing Christmas Gifts, babysitting, working, and trying to help out around the house. For the first time in 5yrs, I'm excited for Christmas and have been watching Christmas Movies with the kids, looking at the lights as we drive at night, and just do window shopping. I've succeeded at riding the workout bike at Inches A Weigh, and will eventually be able to follow my meal plan. Well, it's time to get ready to workout. Happy Holidays to everyone and take care!

Not Again!

2010-11-01T13:28:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I woke up with a little pain in my lower left side of my abdomen. As the day progressed, so did the pain, and now it's almost unbearable. I haven't made it to the doctor to be checked out, but have a really strong hunch it's a Kidney Stone. I haven't got the money to pay the "patient portion" of the office call, so I've basically put myself on a mostly liquid diet, and avoiding things that can cause the Kidney Stones.
As soon as I possibly can, or if the pain gets worse, I'm going to visit the doctors to find out for sure what's going on. I hope that it's not anything worse than that, and that things will run smoothly.

What a Day

2010-10-20T13:01:00.000-06:00

Well, I know it's been about a week or so since my last entry, so I figured, it's time to do one now. Monday, after a long discussion with Dave and some "calculating" I joined Inches-A-Weigh. For those of you who don't know about IAW, either google it, or I'll tell you that basically it's a Lazy Woman's way to lose weight, at least with the exercise.
They set me up with a personalized menue, diet and I have my own "coach", and part of the sign up includes supplements. Some of the Supplements are Folic Acid, calcium, and Fatty Acid. I took a Fatty Acid suppliment today, and am regretting it. Since I took it, I have burped fish, and for those who know me, know that I cannot stand the taste of fish. It literally makes me physically ill, and I've gotta do something about it.
I know it's essential to reaching my goal weight, and well, I'm not gonna tell you what it is, or how long it's SUPPOSED to take for me to get there if I follow the program religiously, but there's gotta be another way to go about it. I am going to see what they can do when I go in tonight. No matter what I eat or drink, whenever I burp I want to puke because of the taste that comes up.

As if that wasn't enough, one of the kids I babysit pooped his pants. He's partially potty trained, in the sense that he can pee in the toilet, but won't poop in it. Instead, he poops in his pull up without warning and sad to say, it's NEVER solid. Today, he'd gone all up his back, outside and down the sides of his jeans, the back of his shirt, even his socks. He'd gotten it on the floor, blocks and somehow managed to make it to the bathroom without getting it anywhere else.
I took the liberty to clean up the livingroom floor and then bleach the blocks first, while I was doing this, the kid was standing in the bathtub so he wouldn't get the bathmats all messy. While scrubbing the livingroom carpet, I burped, got a gross look on my face and Aunt Ann, who had shown up, asked me what was wrong. I said I didn't know what was worse, the smell or the taste of the suppliment. They all laughed, at my expense as to be expected, and then I went about cleaning things up. It took nearly an hour to make sure I got everything cleaned, including bathing a really embarassed little boy. After I got it all taken care of, I lit a candle, bleached everything and then decided to share the experinece with the world.
The whole time I was thinking "It's part of the job" and though I'm ready to puke, I handled it pretty well. Since then, there were no accidents, or problems. It was basically smooth sailing and now we're just down to Kaitlynn and Madison. Looking forward to my workout tonight and then on to see if we can get Tika into a new home. I will keep you all posted on everything that goes on. Sometime Josie will enter this world today too.

Only One Of MY Animals

2010-10-12T01:27:00.000-06:00

A week or so ago, Dave and I had been asked to watch Troy overnight while Heather and Chas spent some time camping with Chas', I mean, Monroe's family. I agreed to it, and we put the Bassinet in our room, by the bed. After they returned, I never got around to taking it out of our room, and the other night, Duster decided he'd sleep on our bed.
Merlyn tried to jump on our bed but Dave kicked him off, so I called him back up thinking that he'd curl up against me as he usually does. Instead, he jumped into the bassinet, and slept there all night long, and into the day. It was funny to see him sleeping there, and I am SO not going to make that a habit, and it's definitely not staying in my room much longer. I think it's safe to say that my animals are unique. They've all got their own little quirks. Merlyn and where he sleeps, how he walks, and his fears. Mason with his "Motherly" instincts, even Jeriko, Dave's 1 1/2 eared cat that is cross eyed.

2010-10-08T21:27:00.000-06:00

OK, so here's the story. I went to the dentist today to get a crown, for the 2nd time. As I feared, it didn't fit, so they had to make mold #3 and send it back. I made the appointment to return to have it put on, and while I was there, I was joking with the assistant about eating some Bit O Honey.
She said not to eat it, that it wouldn't be a good idea, and I just shrugged it off. Later this evening, I was chewing on some Bit O Honey, mainly because it helps with my cough, when all of a sudden, I found some pieces in it. I looked through the piece that I was chewing on, and found my filling, and half of my tooth. I guess now I have learned my lesson to listen to what I'm told. I now have to wait through the weekend, possibly longer, to have this one fixed. So very lovely isn't it?
The look on Dave's face was absolutely priceless when I showed it to him, he just about died of shock. It doesn't hurt, just annoys me because my lip rubs against the "hole" left there. We'll see how things go. All I know, I need to back off on the sweets, which I want to do anyway. I'll keep everyone posted and provide pictures of the final results as they come. I just hope they can do something with it, so I don't have a missing tooth.

The ONLY Time

2010-10-06T22:20:00.000-06:00

Today Dave celebrated his 32nd birthday. He was fortunate to get the day off of work, but I got sick. I am getting a sinus infection (surprise, surprise) and a bit of a cold. Although it was his day off, and I wanted him to enjoy it how he wanted, I was allowed to lie down for a while, and he took care of the kids. Fortunately, it was a easy day with the kids, and we didn't have many issues with them.
When asked what kind of cake he wanted, Dave chose a Yellow cake with Strawberry frosting. I jokingly said that if I didnt' know any better, I'd question my husband's sexuality, but really, how can you avoid PINK frosting if it's Strawberry flavored. He wanted it from scratch, but went along with a cake mix instead because I'm under the weather. I think it was a good day for him though. He got Iron Man 2, a bag of "goodies", and his baby brother came for the cake and ice cream. Everyone got along, and he seemed to have been happy. Just too bad the rest of his family couldn't make it, that would've been the best gift he could've ever had.

Through My Eyes

2010-10-05T17:23:00.002-06:00

One day on Facebook, I ran across this photo that was taken by somebody who used to be in our ward. I really liked it, so as hypocritical as it was, I took it, without asking him, but then let him know that I had it. I didn't post it anywhere other than my desktop, until now, but to credit the photographer, it was taken by Bob Davies.

I thought this was a very beautiful picture. At first I thought of just the road, with the clouds and the fields, just a nice, natural type photo. Lately, I've been struggeling with my inner demons, feeling at my absolute lowest in life, and have even carried thoughts that I do not want under ANY circumstances. The other day, I was sitting here, looking through pictures and ran across this one again. This time, I looked at it in a different light. At first glance, you just see a road, but if you look closer, you can see the dirt road, but on the left it's dark, and on the right, light.

As if it were "Divine Intervention" I immediately thought of the road as the "straight and narrow path" of Lehi's dream. You can chose between good and bad, dark or light. After looking at the photo in that way, it's got a huge spiritual meaning to me, and oddly enough, I find a bit of comfort in it. It reminds me that Jesus is here, that he will never give me any more than I can handle, and that I can lean on him if I need to. Even though I am at my darkest and deepest low, I know I can make it through this, if not alone, then with his help, and the help of the few around me who love me.

Diaper Cakes

2010-10-04T11:13:00.000-06:00

Ok, so the latest trend for a baby shower is to gift a diaper cake. For those of you who don't know what one of those are, they're diapers that have been rolled up, rubber banded and placed in the form of a cake, covered or uncovered, then decorated with miscellanious baby items.

The one I made for Heather when Troy was coming, was a round one, and my first. The one that is pictured here is for Emily's shower, and I decided to experiment a bit, and made a square one. It turned out a bit better than I expected, at least the front of it. The back needed a lot of work, and if I could've cut the material I used as "frosting" I know it'd have looked even better. The "frosting" material is actually the bottom of a blanket I'm gonna tie for Josie. I've also been asked to crochet her a shawl rather than a blanket, so the hunt is on for a good, easy pattern that I can work on. It is just a few weeks away, but I'm up for the challenge. Maybe I can focus on that rather than my depression, and work on a better, happier me.
Though the Diaper Cakes can be a bit spendy to assemble, it's a lot of fun for me, and I enjoy doing it. Maybe with time, they'll get to looking better each and every time I make one.

Fallen Tears and Shredded Dreams

2010-07-29T06:16:00.000-06:00

This morning around 4, I woke up to some pain in my tooth, so I got up, took a pain pill, and while waiting for it to kick in, I got online to check my stuff on Facebook out. I got into one of my accounts, found that I had a message, and clicked on it to read it.
Backing up, the people in the photo is of one of my really good friends, Michael "TK" Norris, and his wonderful wife Brandie. Back in High School, Mike was kind of my "body guard" and one of the few "Jocks" I could tolerate being around. When he Married Brandie, they were so happy in love, it was obvious they were made for each other.
I was a little sad when I found out that Mike had joined the Army, that meant I wouldn't get to see him for a while, or get to know his wife better. I didn't hear from Mike for a while, a few years in fact, then REAL early one New Years Day, I got a call from him. He said he was stationed in Germany, and just wanted to talk. Though it was exhausted, I talked to him for a few hours, then we went our separate ways.
I found him last month after searching for him for years. I didn't get to physically chat him up or see him, but we sent a few text messages back and forth. This morning, when I got online, I found that I got a message. I don't get these very often, and so it was like opening a gift on Christmas Day. That delight quickly got shot to the ground, when I read what it said. My buddy Mike, had passed away. I do not know how, but his wife took the time to tell me about it, that she didnt' know my phone number and will get in touch with me to tell me when his funeral is and what not. I was planning with his wife, to visit in August for a weekend, to get reacquainted and catch up on the things that've been going on in our lives over the last few years. I know that I'll get past this in time, and just because he has moved on from this Earth, doesn't mean I 'm gonna stop talking to his widow and change my plans for a visit. RIP Mike, thank you for touching my life like you did, guys like you are extremely hard to find and I will miss you. Brandie, Dave and I will always be here for you if you need us!

My Little Little Buddy

2010-06-29T15:17:00.000-06:00

Recently, Heather has been diagnosed with PPD, or Post Partum Depression. She's been told to make "Mommy Time" each day without Troy, so while she's taking her Mommy Time, Aunt Jess gets to step in and spend some good quality time with the newest edition of the family.
We were lying on my bed, trying to get Troy comfortable because of his collic, and after crapping his diaper and letting out a HUGE burp, I got smile after smile. I would talk to him, and he'd grin a huge grin, then when I decided to pull the camera out, he got shy. Finally, while he was mid smile, I caught this one. I thought this was the sweetest look, and I got more after this was shot. It frustrated Heather because he'd always fuss for her and "Monroe" but whenever he came to me, he would poo, or burp, then be just fine, barely fussy at all. They feel bad that I'm always watching him, and I told them that if it bothered me, I'd say something.
I also told them that it gives me the chance to feed my "Baby Hunger" and I love spending the time that I can with some of my nephews. It's fun to watch Tucker feel like he has to compete with Troy for Aunt Jess's attention. I try to give them equal attention when they're both here, but sometimes, one demands more attention than the other. I love seeing their smiles and watching them grow into little people with personalities of their own. I love it when Tucker walks up to me, turns his head to one side and says "Hi" then gives me a hug and a kiss. Some times we get in little "kiss wars" and just have a ball while Heather's with Troy or he's sleeping.

Sooo Cute!

2010-06-22T20:48:00.000-06:00

Saturday, the 19th, Dave and I accompanied Lee and Janelle to Riverfest. While we were there, I went through and got all the freebies, including the plastic red fire hat. My head was too big for it, but got the idea of giving it to Tucker. When I saw him on Monday, I got the hat, and placed it on his head. I thought it was so stinking cute that I had to take a picture of it.

At first he didn't want it on, but after a while he got use to it. I can honestly say that I love my nephews, and enjoy watching their little personalities grow and show themselves each and every day. I can always count on them to brighten even my darkest of days, and am blessed to have them in my life.

A Hollingsworth Weekend

2010-06-12T00:22:00.000-06:00

Last weekend, Dan and Chrystal came up from Texas for Troy's baby blessing. While they were here, Tucker clung to Chrystal, and it was so fun watching him talk to her, always walk up to her and want to be with her.
Though there was a little jealousy from me as he treated her the way he normally treats me, I loved seeing them together and just had to get a picture of her holding him. I can definately say that Tucker has good taste in Aunts, and look forward to how he's going to be as a Big Brother, and a Cousin to more than just Troy. I hope he has more cousins in the future. Watching the little bit I saw with Tucker, Chrystal and Dan, I know they'll make good parents someday, and hope they become parents. I really enjoyed Dan and Chrystal's visit, and look forward to them coming back in November.

Well Needed Weekend

2010-06-04T07:44:00.000-06:00

The weekend of Mom's "accident", Dave and I went to Salt Lake with Lee, Janelle, Kailtynn and Madison. We would have stayed home, but already had a hotel room reserved and didn't want to cancel it. They wanted to share a room, but we decided it wasn't a good idea AT ALL, so got a room 4 doors down the hall from them. When we got to Salt Lake, we checked in, got settled in and then met in our room to decide on what we all wanted to do next. After much delliberation, we all decided to head to Temple Square and then get some dinner. Because we all couldn't fit in one vehicle, Dave and I took the Sonoma and they took their car. Kaitlynn insisted on riding with us, so her parents let her. When we got to Temple Square, we met up with some sister missionaries who gave us a tour of the church on the grounds, the Tabernacle and of course, the Christus. When we got to the Christus, as everyone else was listening to the presentation, I sat there, reflecting. I thought about the importance of the Gospel in my life, and how it's effected me. I looked at the Christus and thought about the sacrifice that Jesus made for us all in the name of love, how he took all our sins upon him. I looked at my Eternal Companion, and thought of the road we traveled together thus far, how we've hit quite a few bumps along the way, but have stayed true and faithful to each other. Sitting there, I realized I couldn't love him any more than I already do, that I couldn't live or survive without him.
By this time, Kaitlynn came up and sat next to me, looking down on her, I realized that though I don't have children of my own, and struggle with that, I've been blessed by the children that are in my life. I thought of the many times I've been sad, how the night my mother was attacked by the dogs, while I was cleaning the blood off the floor, crying, Kaitlynn began to cry for me, and I will never forget the look in those blue eyes when she looked at me and said "Don't be sad Jessata, it's otay." Though her mother didn't know if she should've been near me at the time of my grief, Kaitlynn stood there, hugging me and trying to be a big girl and comfort me. I began to think about my neices and nephews, how they're all excited to see me, how the ones on Dave's side maul me and shadow me whenever I visit, and how Tucker seeks me out whenever he comes over. Thinking about all this made me yearn even more to have children of my own, so as I sat there, I said a little prayer in my heart for guidance on the subject, for understanding and help to accept things.
The rest of the weekend was interesting to say the least. Kaitlynn had to ride with us everytime we left the hotel or went somewhere, everyone got along and enjoyed themselves. Though we were sad to leave Salt Lake, it was good to get back home and pick up slack around the house. It was a well needed trip for Dave and I, and we plan on going back in the near future.

TIE Dying Easter Eggs

2010-03-30T13:41:00.000-06:00

The other day when I was checking out somebody's Facebook page, I found a link with a photo on a "new" way to dye Easter Eggs. Basically what you do is use silk items such as ties, boxers, blouses....
You wrap them raw, and boil them, and this is how they turn out. I used ties on 3 of these ones, and a silk scarf on the other.

I was curious if it really worked, and as you can see, they turned out cool. Dave loves the blue and yellow one, and said it's too "pretty" to eat. If you want the website I got it from, or instructions on how to do it, let me know, I'll get you the information. It's a fun way to get rid of the old silk ties that you don't want and are just lying around the house.

Best Investment So Far

2010-02-27T21:38:00.000-07:00

With some of the money that we got from taxes, Dave decided to let me purchase "The Wave by the Firm". I was stoked to use it, and when I got home I opened it up and read through the booklet it came with. I found a workout calendar along with a menu for the first week of working out. It says you'll see results after 10 workouts, and I'm looking forward to see if they're right.

Tonight I got the chance to try it out for the first time. Being sensible, I decided to not just jump into the whole workout at first, that BABY STEPS would be the best way to start. Tonight I tried the 10 minute workout, and LOVED IT! I showed the workout to Mom, then when she went away, I brought Dave in and showed it to him. Though it wasn't that hard of a workout, it really works your core, and I've been wanting to do another round of it. My goal is to master the 10 minute workout, then add the 2nd workout and follow the schedule they have in the booklet. Once my workouts become a habit, then I'll start working on my diet.

I think I'll take pictures of myself as I go, to see if I can see the difference and maybe show my progress. I know I only tried it once, but I would totally recommend this to anyone who wants to lose weight.

A Fresh Start

2010-02-25T15:42:00.000-07:00

This year, the IRS was very good to us. Dave filed our taxes, and discovered we will get $2,500 back in returns. It was a HUGE blessing for us as our storage bill was almost $700 for not being able to catch up on payments. We waited a few weeks and as soon as we saw that we'd gotten our returns, a check was written to our storage and sent to them. We received our state taxes first, then our fedral, and have been monitoring where it's all going.
we got some sheet sets for our bed, a few clothes, "The Wave" for me to work out on, and have managed to help out where needed. We upgraded our phones, and are getting back on our feet slowly, but surely. Before too long, we may be able to find a place that will take us with our animals. I really feel like things are picking up for Dave and I, and who knows what the rest of the year brings, if we keep doing the things we need to, I know that we will truely be blessed.

Our Second Christmas

2010-02-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

Just this month, because money was tight around Christmastime, we, as a family, celebrated a second Christmas. Mom was determined to keep the tree up until we were able to celebrate, and when we did, it was nice.
Instead of a "fancy" Christmas dinner, everyone agreed on Pizza. Because of the meds I'm on, I bypassed the pizza and had a dinner of Coke. After Dinner we all opened our presents, it was fun, and to me, more intimate than when it's celebrated on the 25th of Dec.
Later that night, mom and I were talking and both agreed that it was quite fun to have Christmas in another month other than Dec, and then I suggested maybe doing it the years that the kids visit in-laws for Christmas. Mom seemed to have liked that idea, and hopes that we can all coordinate visits to in-laws. For Dave and I, it's not really a big issue as my family opens gifts in the morning and Dave's family does gifts in the evening, but it's not a fun travel all in one day, especially for that time of year.

A Small Price To Pay

2010-01-16T02:35:00.000-07:00

As everyone knows already, Dave and I have been trying to have kids for almost 6yrs now, and have not had much luck. In November, I had a chat with my Doctor, and she put me on Chlomid (for those of you who don't know what that is-fertility treatments). One of the side effects of this particular drug happens to be HOT FLASHES.
For those of you who have had them, you can sympathise, for those of you who haven't or can't experience them, drink a glass of boiling water, once you get past the burns in your mouth, focus on how hot you begin to feel, then you'll have a small idea of what it's like.
Anyhow, since these hot flashes have come, I've lost sleep. I cannot sleep because of the hot flashes or if I manage to fall asleep, they wake me up. It's hell, but I got to thinking, if this stuff works, it'll totally be worth the hot flashes and lack of sleep.
One thing that keeps me going, and I know a lot of you think I"m crazy for this, but the older I get, and with being on these fertility drugs, it raises my chances for multiple births. I would love to have twins, if I have only one child, that will be good too. According to my doctor, the next step if this treatment doesn't work, will be Invitro. For all you out there reading this, by all means, PLEASE pray for us.

We Found The Asshole!!!

2009-12-29T16:39:00.000-07:00

For Christmas this year, my brother Dan, and his wife Chrystal, bought "Family Gifts" for everyone, and they were all games. When we opened ours, the first words out of my mouth were "Are you trying to say something Dan?"

Mom had to take a picture of it, and wanted to play it as a family as soon as possible. Because Dave and I went to see his family Christmas Day, we waited until the day after, and that's when the fun started.

We opened the game, set it up and as rules instructed, the oldest went first. This game isn't played like any normal game, play does NOT resume clockwise, instead, to determine who plays next, there is a question read, and the person who answeres it correctly gets to go. The End is literally a "target" on the butt of a Donkey that says "The End". Dad and I both agreed that it's the Asshole, and the winner turned out to be Dad, so I said that he was an asshole. It was such a fun game that Heather was in tears from laughing so hard, and Dave and I are finding that it's a very fun game to play.

After playing Smart Ass, we played Pictureka with Heather and Monroe. That's the game that they got, and it was just as fun. We will soon try out Mom and Dad's game, and maybe even Marsh and Emily's. Thanks Dan and Chrystal, when you guys visit, we'll see which one of you are the asshole!!!

Baby Steps

2009-12-16T13:54:00.004-07:00

I've been trying for nearly 2yrs now to sell Gold Canyon Candles. Over the two years, I've had a total of 4 parties, and only 2 of them have brought in a maximum of $400. I did my first and only party for the year at the beginning of this month, yes, it's an 11 month late start, but crap happens. Anyway, I had a lot of fun though I was a nervous wreck and completely out of practice.

Through the rest of the week, I explored the website again, catching up on all the new information the company has to offer, and found something that gave me a HUGE ray of hope. Ever since I started my attempt to sell these candles, I didn't have anyone to train me. The demonstrator I signed up under said she'd train me, show me the ropes and what not, but I never saw it, so I learned by trial by error.

This one ray of hope is the new design of their catalog. They made it pretty user friendly and a lot easier for new and unexperienced demonstrators such as myself, to do their job. Each page is basically designed for a presentation of the company and products, and also has the sizes and prices of each product as well. I want to get this business going, and know I can succeed if I become much more aggressive than I have been. Lets see what the new year brings.

One Wild Day

2009-11-23T20:28:00.003-07:00

Today Dave and I went to run some errands in Dad's Sonoma. On our way to COSTCO, we were stopped in front of Arby's on Yellowstone, when we were rear ended by a kid in a Montero. I didn't see it coming, but I heard squealing tires. I had enough time to see a big white pickup truck fly by me in the turn lane. Then I felt the jolt. Luckily I was wearing my seat belt, and everyone was ok. I immediately called the police as the driver of the other vehicle checked to see if we were ok. I told him we were fine for the moment and that I was calling the police to notify them of the accident.
The Dispatcher instructed us to move the vehicles off of the road if possible so we told the other driver and moved both vehicles into the Arby's parking lot. By the time the police arrived, my neck and left eye started to hurt a bit. When the officer came to talk to us, I informed him that I had some whiplash, but was fine other than that. The driver of the other vehicle was honest in the whole thing, took full responsibility and even went as far as calling us an hour later to let us know he notified his insurance company and make sure we were ok.
Today's photo of course is of the damage done to Dad's truck. Luckily both vehicles had insurance, and nobody was severely hurt. We later found out that the white truck that flew by us should have hit us, but the driver swerved out of the way. The kid who hit us was following that truck too close and saw us just as it was too late. Later that evening, as Dad was driving, we got pulled over by the police for a tail light being out. We explained that the vehicle was involved in an accident earlier in the day and he let us off.

New Hope

2009-11-20T04:32:00.003-07:00

I want to start off today's entry with first giving credit to he photographer of this photo, though I'm not 100% sure of it, I believe it was taken with Marsh's camera by "The Hobbit" , and apologizing for slipping off the grid lately. I've been focusing on projects I've got to get done before Christmas, and am beginning to think I bit off more than I can chew. Along with hats and scarves for my nieces and nephews, I've got dishcloths and other projects to make. Chrystal, if you don't get them before Christmas, you'll get your dishcloths before the first of the year. Remember, anytime you want/need more, let me know, I'll be happy to make and send as many as you want. I only ask that you let me give my hands a break for a bit, I am rapidly losing functionality in them right now.

Anyway, I thought I would update all that's been going on here in the Lage family. Dave is enjoying his new schedule, and since he's got Sundays off, the Church hasn't hesitated to get us active again. We are counting down the days until we're given callings, and we're ok with that, our only request is to not speak in Sacrament as we BOTH do not do well in front of tons of people. We only made it to Sacrament last week, and are aiming for the whole block this week, we'll see how it goes.

As EVERYONE knows, Dave and I have wanted to become parents since we got married 5 1/2 years ago and have failed. 3 miscarriages later, still no luck, but are blessed to have a wonderful Gynecologist who is also a VERY GOOD fertility specialist. I have been talking to people who know our desire to be parents, and somebody suggested we try Preseed. I won't go into all the details about it, long story short, its a sperm friendly lubricant to aid in conception. Anyway, I called the doctor the other day and asked for her input on this particular product. She called me today and told me that she has never heard of it, that it wouldn't hurt to give it a try and is also putting me on Clomid for 3 months.

On top of everything else, I"m going to see what I can do to get back into Gold Canyon. I have to renew my membership by Dec 9th, finally booked a party after a year for Dec. 1st, and will hopefully get over my "stage fright" so to speak. Even that little amount of people make it hard for me to speak. If I can get into a website of my own, I'm sure that would help my business skyrocket, maybe one day I'll be able to afford it.

Well, since it's OFFICIALLY Friday, I should see about maybe getting some more sleep. Beginning to get my body on a decent schedule, when I fall asleep around 10:30 pm only to be woken up by the TV around 1am, it's not easy to get back to sleep. Gotta love life sometimes. Hope this finds everyone well.

One Night Stand

2009-11-08T01:02:00.003-07:00

Friday night, Dave and I got 2 hotel rooms at the Town Suites by Marriott here in Pocatello. The reason behind the 2 rooms is Dave's "Sister from another Mister" as Heather would put it, and her husband were coming to visit. They decided to stay with some other friends in Idaho Falls, then spend the day with us on Saturday instead, so we decided to give the extra room to Mom and Dad instead of canceling it. At the time this was discussed, Heather and Chas were out of town and we wouldn't know when they'd be back, so it was a choice between Marsh and Emily, or Mom and Dad. We talked to Mom and Dad first, and they said to give the room to Marsh and Emily.
With that in mind, and wanting to make peace for everyone, I discussed it with Dave and with the price we got for the rooms, decided to do the 2 room thing again in a few weeks or next month, and letting Heather and Chas have one of the rooms. Mind you, we only did it because our friends were coming to visit, and knew we could afford it with the price we got them at. If we knew we couldn't do it, we wouldn't have, but after spending the night in a room across town from stress of everyday life and contention, away from ALL the dogs, it was well worth it, and something we're seriously considering doing each month.
The rooms were great too, here's the photo of the "Kitchenette" from across the room. I didn't feel like posting ALL the photos of the hotel room.
Thank you Leon for the hookup, it was awesome to be able to be out of the house and worry free for a night!!!

An Answer to EVERYONE's Prayers

2009-11-05T09:59:00.004-07:00

I want you all to take a look at this photo, not at the couple in it but the building behind them. Being able to get back to that building is a personal goal for me, and just this last week, we were blessed to be able to take one step toward accomplishing that goal.
Dave once again, got a schedule change. Instead of working from 7am to 4pm and having Wednesday and Thursday off, he now works from 11am to 8pm, and has Sundays and Mondays off. He starts his new schedule on Sunday, so he's basically got a week vacation because not only does he get this Wed and Thurs off, he got PTO (Paid Time Off) for Fri and Sat due to a friend visiting before they move back east. We're both pretty stoked that he FINALLY has Sundays off ( I still blame it on Tyson, ahem, I mean BISHOP SPENCER!!) and starting NEXT Sunday we're going to go to church regularly.
I know things are beginning to fall into place for us, and who knows what the future brings. It's been a struggle for me on a lot of things, becoming inactive (yes, it's my fault), unable to have kids, integrity questioned, the list goes on and on, but between re-connecting with old friends I'd never imagined I'd get a second chance with, and now Dave being able to attend church again, it's just proof that it's worth it in the end.
When the day comes that I can set foot back in the temple, all who can attend is invited to join us in a session, kind of to celebrate being able to get back there. I really miss it, it really is the best place on the planet to be, and it's where my heart often desires to go.

Tucker

2009-10-24T22:31:00.005-06:00

Thursday I got the privilege of watching Tucker. Since Dan and Chrystal don't get to see him much, I took the initiative to record him crawling, and with Marsh and Emily's permission, I am posting it on here, assuming it works. Because I've been sick with what I suspect is the Flu, I'm not going to be much longer on this post. Once I'm feeling at least up to 90% I will work much harder on my entries.

A VERY Important Lesson Learned

2009-10-10T14:34:00.003-06:00

As you guys know, Dave and I took his brother and sister, and our nieces and nephew to the Hogle Zoo last month. While there, with Mom's camera, I took a pretty sweet picture of Isaac, then posted it on my Facebook.
I later noticed that 5 of my photos I took, including the one of Isaac that I was VERY proud of, ended up on my brother in law's Facebook Site without asking if he could take them. I was a little mad at first, but when he copped an attitude about it when I confronted him, I got mad, really mad. I asked him to remove the photos from his site, and once he refused, I decided not to enter that photo of Isaac into the fair next year, and I haven't really talked to him since.
I know some may think it's petty of me to act like this, even childish, but the whole point of the matter is family or not, he should have made sure it was ok to post those, and even give credit where credit is due. That one picture means the world to me, it's hard to explain, but because of what he did, I just can't enter it next year, it won't be the same. A WISE sister of mine warned me something like this could happen, and that I should "mark" my photos, had I listened to her, I'm sure things would be different than they are now.
After this incident, I have taken all my photos off of Facebook and began to mark them. It's a shame that a family member can't be trusted enough to where I have to mark all my pictures, but I guess that's how it is sometimes. I am now going to make sure if I post a photo that somebody else took, I get their permission first, or give credit to them. If I have posted anything of somebody elses without their permission, I am truly sorry, and it definitely won't happen again.
Today's photo is not the photo that started all of this, but it's quite similar. Notice the name on it, yeah, you'll see it a lot from now on.

Playin Around

2009-10-03T14:22:00.004-06:00

Ok, I had a family member complain about my not updating my blogs often, I've been a bit preoccupied with getting bills taken care of, kids, working on Christmas Presents, and Missionary Discussions. I would work on updating the blogs each night while I cannot sleep, but nobody is allowed on the computer after midnight. ANYWAY, that being said, here is my latest entry.
Lately I've been loading photos from albums to prepare for scrapbooking. It's going to be a long and tedious project, but I am having a little fun with it. After I scan the picture, I have it AutoFixed, and have done this without using PS. I have a desire to learn photo shop, and will eventually, but for now, I've just been winging it on the regular programs. Here's an example of what I've been doing. Hope you like.

Obviousily this is the doctored one, it was kind of fun making it look like it was taken yesterday rather than in the 70's, wish I had more time to do more stuff like this though!.

Random Thoughts and Tucker Time

2009-09-24T19:24:00.004-06:00

Today's photo is of Tucker, trying to use the computer. Emily asked me to watch him while she worked out with her mother, and as usual, I agreed to it. I had spent the day watching 2 four year olds, 2 three year olds, and 2 Sixteen month olds. I wasn't the only one watching them, Dave and Rachel, his sister (I will claim her too. I like her a lot!) helped out as well.

After all the kids but Kaitlynn were gone, Tucker came over and spent some time with "Aunt Jess". He played on the keyboard, ate some sweet potatoes and just had fun. I know that I don't have kids right now, and everyone knows how bad I want at least one of my own, but in the meantime, when the Lord feels I'm ready for them, I'll focus on other people's children.

People don't understand fully the reason behind putting up with what I do when it comes to watching other people's children. I do it for the kids, and because I enjoy trying to be a good example for our future. Though it hurts that I don't have any of my own, while I'm watching the little ones, I keep thinking that I'm serving the Lord through doing this service to families in need of child care.

YES, The world IS coming to an end!

2009-09-20T13:39:00.003-06:00

This morning, Sister Thiemann called to see if I'd sub in Nursery. Dad told her that he'd check, and not to worry about waking me up, I need the religion. When he came down, I was already awake, he asked me if I'd go help at Church, and to his surprise, I told him I would.
I got up, went upstairs and told mom what I was doing. She almost fell over in shock. I went for all of it, helped in Sacrament for the Primary Program, and even agreed to help in Nursery next week. Mom was delighted to hear it, and I explained to her that I know I need to be at church, but I also need to get there on my own time, and that I'll be there when I know I'm ready.
Today's photo is of one of the kids. He is the son of the Elder's Quarm president, and he took to me pretty well. His name is Carter, and he's just an awesome little kid.

Can't Understand Why

2009-09-16T18:35:00.002-06:00

So over the last few weeks, I've been utterly exhausted. I can't muster up the energy to do much of anything and am finding that all I want to do is sleep. I don't have a single clue why I'm so exhausted. It's not because I'm up ALL night, usually if that happens and I get even 3hrs of sleep, I'm not so tired, but this time, I'm wiped out. I think if this persists, I'm gonna call my doctor and see if she knows what would cause this much exhaustion.

Babies and Fruit

2009-09-14T19:19:00.003-06:00

Recently Dad took a trip to Utah to get some final parts for his Razar. Mom asked that he bring back some pears and peaches so she can can them, and this is the restult of that.

Today, Olivia was in a bind, and needed a sitter for Shawn for a few hours. Heather wasn't home and I wasn't about to volunteer her without checking with her first, so I offered to watch him. When Heather found out, she was upset, and hasn't really talked to me since. He's a great baby, very quiet and happy. This photo is taken after he slept the whole time I had him. I must say, he's a trooper for somebody born with his guts outside of his body.

Until things get figured out, Liv is going to have Heather or I watch him. I don't mind helping people out, and though I'm not making money off it, it is something I love to do. It's my way of losing myself in service.

Natures Vase

2009-09-09T23:06:00.002-06:00

Over Labor Day weekend, we went camping as a family Sunday and Monday. Dave and I had to sleep at home to take care of the dogs, but when we got to the cabin Monday morning, everyone just woke up. I snapped a few photos of Heather sitting in her tent, then when she headed to the outhouse, I looked up and found this sight. I couldn't resist and snapped a photo of it, thought I'd share with Dan and Chrystal. I like to say that this is Heather's best side.

Tryin to Kill Everyone

2009-09-03T21:25:00.003-06:00

Today, I had Mom take me down to the distribution center to get Dave and I some new G's. This is the 2nd time, in 5 years, that I have bought G's, and thought we got 5 pair each, it was a shock to see the total came to $60. I was fine with it, but Dave just about had a heart attack. When I got home, I got all of our worn out old G's and we had a fun time burning them.
The girls I was watching at the time wanted to help, so we supervised them as they threw the G's in the fire. It was pretty cool watching the Mesh ones burn, or more so melt. I think that's what made it stink the most. Anyway, that was the highlight of my evening and photo of the day. Now I'm finishing things up and headin to bed.

2009-09-01T12:29:00.003-06:00

I have been procrastinating lately. Last Friday, Dave took me to dinner at Texas Roadhouse. I must say that it wasn't my greatest meal from there, the salad was a bit wilted, my steak was cooked more than I wanted it to be, and I just wasn't thrilled.

After dinner, we decided to head to Wal Mart to walk around. Just as we left the parking lot of Texas Roadhouse, we heard a pop/thump. I said to Dave that it didn't sound good, but the Tahoe was driving just fine, so we continued to head to Wal-Mart. All of a sudden, the front end of the Tahoe began to wobble, so we immediately pulled over and called Marsh. Come to find out, the Toe-Rod broke. Marsh had to take us home, and then load the Tahoe on a trailer and bring it home too. Fortunately, it wasn't our fault it broke. Here's a picture of the damage.

That same week, Moto got "fixed". I think it's safe to say that everyone agrees when I say "It's about time!". Anyway, Heather told us that Chas/Monroe had to wrap Moto in a blanket so they can put a "retard helmet" as Heather calls it, on his head to keep from biting everyone. When Heather and I went to pick him up, he was groggy enough to be quiet and nice. We picked up a E-Collar for him at PETCO on our way home because he LOVES to lick, and then put it on him. I left the cone on his head for a week, just to insure his incision was healed before I let him have the chance to lick. It was funny seeing him run around with it. He'd run into things, and Heather almost drowned him once with it, but the best thing with that cone, you could grab it and he couldn't bite you. Here's a photo of him sporting his dish/cone/collar.

A Really Great Man

2009-08-23T22:44:00.002-06:00

Today's entry is a sad one. For 2 1/2 years, Officer Daniel B. Gilbert has been fighting Lou Gehrigs Disease, and until recently, was doing a good job from what I've heard.
When Dave woke me up for his lunch break this morning, he paged me and told me that Mom came home from Church early because Dan Gilbert had passed away, within the hour.
I came upstairs to get the information, and as the day progressed, the full story began to unfold.
Apparently, Dan had slipped into a coma last night around 3am. Doctors said he'd be in the coma for about a week, but at 10:30am, this morning, he passed away. Not only was Dan a good Police Officer, but he was our Home Teacher, and friend. I can remember the jokes about the traffic lights on the "cruise" he and I had, arguing over weather the light was red, yellow, or orange.
Watching him race his wife to our house to home teach us, and just talking with him for a while, it was fun. Dan was a really good man, and will deeply be missed by all.

A Long Needed Roadtrip

2009-08-21T12:19:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, Dave and I borrowed Marsh's car and headed of to spend the day in Salt Lake City. When we got there, we went to Hogle Zoo, and spent three hours just walking around and looking at the different animals. When we couldn't walk much anymore, we got in the car and headed to the Gateway Mall, thinking maybe we'd catch a movie.
None of the movies really started until around 4:30, so we bagged the movie and just walked around. (We are a bit crazy!) We looked through whatever store caught our attention, got smoothies at Ben & Jerry's then got my Build A Bear re-stuffed and purchased another BAB.
When we'd decided it was time to hit the road, we took off......and got caught in RUSH HOUR! We finally got off the road in Layton where we stopped at Red Robin for dinner. We then, started heading across the interstate to Krispy Kream where we got FRESH glazed donuts.
I drove most of the day, and really enjoyed the one on one time with Dave. Nobody really called us, there were no distractions, and it was just awesome. I know we probably shouldn't have gone to Salt Lake, but to just get away for a day with my husband, it was the best thing we've done all summer.

Creativity

2009-08-19T22:34:00.002-06:00

Today's photo is of a new design I'm learning on my Crocheting. It's called the Cross Stitch, and though it looked a bit difficult, it turned out to be pretty easy. I've got a book of different stitches that I'm going to try to make samples of. I've already tried 4 of them, and can only really do 2 because they're the easiest. I know with more practice and dedication, I can get better.
I get a lot of crap thrown at me because I know how to crochet and I'm young, but I really don't care because it's excellent Therapy. I have found that when I'm stressed or depressed, all I have to do is sit down with some yarn and a hook, and lose myself in the project I'm doing and hours later, I'm doing just fine. Once I get better with my projects, I want to start making lapghans and throws, and donate them to the local nursing homes. I am really beginning to enjoy crocheting, and will learn to knit soon.

Gambling in Utah

2009-08-18T22:22:00.003-06:00

Today's photo was actually taken at a Rest Area on our way to Salt Lake City yesterday. As Mom and I were heading to the restroom, we saw a vending machine and a water machine, and found the sign "Lotsa Luck!". I thought it was pretty funny, and had to snap a picture of it with my phone. Next time I'm going to be sure I take my camera, the photos might be better.

A Surprisingly Good Trip....

2009-08-17T22:31:00.004-06:00

Today Mom, Heather, Chas and I took Dad to Salt Lake City so that "The Hobbit" could take him to the Airport in the morning to fly to Houston. I have had my reservations on going with Heather's recent attitude, but went anyway. We got along amazingly well, and there really wasn't any fighting.
When we got down there, we headed to the Mall by the Chuck Arama that we were going to meet "The Hobbit " at. After the potty breaks, and being stopped by some guy trying to sell me manicure things (they really don't take NO for an answer, after I told him I wasn't buying anything, that I have no money, he asked when I would have money.) I headed over to BUILD A BEAR WORKSHOP.
Yes, I might be crazy, but I like to "immortalize" special events/people in my life, with the animals from BABW. I got one for when Marsh and Em were Married, one for MY Wedding day, one for our anniversary, One in Memory of Grandpa and now, this recent one was in memory of Grandma W. This was given a lot of thought, and I got this particular bear because of the "Stitching" effect on the ears, and the patch Heart. The scrubs symbolize her love for working at the Hospital, even if it were in the Gift Shop.

After Goodbyes were said, we hit the road. Heather changed her mind and wanted to drive, so to save a fight and ruin a good day, I let her drive, and as we were heading out of town, I snapped this photo from the car. Both of these photos were taken with my Cell, I'm surprised they turned out as well as they did.

Rather than take over driving like I said I would, I let Heather and Chas take turns driving home while Mom and I sat in the back. It was a good day all in all. I hope Dad has a safe trip, this is his first time flying since He and Mom were married.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM

2009-08-13T23:01:00.003-06:00

Obviously, this blog entry is dedicated to the woman who brought me into this life, and who can quite easily take me out of it if she wanted to. You guessed it, my Mother. Today was her birthday, and because she wanted to, all of the kids here in town were treated, by her and Dad, to a dinner at Texas Roadhouse.
I don't know what they did all day, nor do I really want to know, but I hope they had fun whatever it was they did. Anyway, the original plan was to go to a movie as a family, but Tucker would have been excluded so we went to dinner instead. Mom was going to take us all to Red Lobster, but Marsh and Emily don't like Red Lobster, so we went for Texas Roadhouse. I must say that it was a fun dinner, and the only thing missing was Dan and Chrystal.
When Dinner was over, Tucker flirted with the waitresses a bit before we left. We then went to Wal Mart, and then home. It was a good night and mom had a happy birthday. She loved how it went, and enjoyed the fact that her kids got along all together.

Quality Nephew Time

2009-08-12T22:43:00.002-06:00

Today I got the privilege of watching Tucker while Emily went to work. We got him close to 8:30am, and he was quite happy. Then, he decided he was hungry and tired, so we tried to feed him a blend of peaches and rice cereal. He decided he didn't like that so much so I packed him up and headed over to Emily so she could feed him. By the time we got to the first intersection, he was out cold. Just to insure he'd stay asleep, we drove a few minutes or so, then headed home without taking him to Emily.
Gus woke him up when we got there due to his barking, but he just lied there. We then went for another drive with Mom and Dad to prepare for BUNCO and drop Duster off at the groomers. (I might say he's looking pretty spiffy!) We got home and put Tucker in his toy after Emily came and fed him. I must say, he had fun playing in it for about an hour while "Uncle Bub" (Dave) looked on. He only got fussy when he was left alone in it in the Livingroom.
He's a good kid, and I love it when I get to spend time with him, he's so happy. I hope I get to spend more of these kind of days with him, and look forward to when he's old enough and I can take him to play at the park, or to the zoo. I will spoil my nieces and nephews!

Grandmas and Goodies

2009-08-11T21:59:00.005-06:00

Todays Photo is of mom "eating" Tucker. Emily and Marsh came over for a bit. Emily wants me to babysit tomorrow (YAY!) while she works. Mom was holding and playing with Tucker, and I snapped this photo, it's why you should never let a grandparent hold a grandchild when they're hungry. Actually, Tucker had lots of fun and was laughing and just enjoying himself. He is such a happy, spoiled baby. He is heavy too, weighing in at almost 18lbs.

When they left, I indulged myself with a pint of Ben&Jerry's Phish Food. I normally get the B&J Karmel Sutra, but wanted a little something new. It is a chocolate, marshmallow, caramel Ice cream with Fudge Fish. I must say, it was good considering I ate the whole pint. The Fish, they were a bit TOO chocolatey, so I didn't eat them. I left them on the lid while I was locked in the computer room. Since there's 2 computers now and a printer almost as big as I am, it got really hot in there and the fish melted. Looks a bit nasty don't it.

Workings of a Crazy Woman

2009-08-10T23:06:00.004-06:00

So after the threat of the computer being taken away from everyone, and knowing how much I rely on it to keep track of child care and post these blog entries (I think I'm doing a pretty good job on that one!) I got a crazy idea, and wasn't sure it would work. Dad cleaned off the computer desk, and I thought it'd be clever of me to see if I could set my computer up and tap into his internet until we got an adapter or wireless card of our own.

Dad agreed to it, and we set the computer up. Now if he decides to take the computer away from everyone, I still have access to mine, and can still do the things that I need to. I can also respect dad's wishes in the sense that I have a password set on our computer that people need in order to get online. That's today's photo of the day, what the computer desk now looks like. I realized after I set it up that I've grown use to the larger screen, but at least my computer is being used as something more than a paperweight now. That makes me happy. I'll try to get more creative for the photo of the day!

Sunday Evening

2009-08-09T22:49:00.003-06:00

Today Dave and I went for a walk with Mason, Merlyn and Karma. Dave has little patience with the dogs, so I suggested he take Karma and work with her a little bit. She walked with him and listened to him pretty well, then we got a little brave. I let Mason and Merlyn off their leashes at the park, and let them run a bit. Karma wanted to join in on the fun, but rather than unhook her leash, we let it trail behind her as she ran with the boys. She had a lot of fun, and didn't do bad listening until she found the sprinklers at the school.
After 10 minutes of eating the water shooting out of the sprinklers, Karma decided it was time to listen and ran up to Dave. Mason and Merlyn, still off the Leash, headed home on command, and when we got there, I got this photo. It wasn't until after I uploaded them that I found how Merlyn kind of "popped" on the photo. I thought it was pretty cool myself, maybe, just maybe I should look into a better camera, and possibly photography classes.

Why Do I Do It

2009-08-08T21:18:00.002-06:00

Today I had a "color" appointment with a Mary Kay consultant. I thought, what have I got to lose? Do you think I could remember all the steps I took to get the make up looking like it did, um.....NO.
Anyway, when it came to getting the colors picked out, I got a wild hair, and chose green. I don't know if it was because my shirt was green, or what the deal was, but I don't think it turned out that bad. It's not a color I'd wear very often, but it was an experiment anyway. This is the first time I have EVER put eye shadow on my lower eyelid, and I don't think I'll do it again. It is just too weird for me, and I feel like it's way too much make up. Dunno, feel free to let me know what you think about it.

Reflection

2009-08-07T19:20:00.002-06:00

As you know, lately I've been going through old photos, and feeling a little "nostalgic". Looking at todays' photo, I got to thinking of how I wish I could experience it all over again, to go back to my childhood when I didn't have a care in the world. This photo was taken when I was a year old. I look at the smile that I had in that photo and began to realize, I don't smile much anymore, why could that be??

It's funny how, when you're a little kid, you can't wait to grow up and do things that adults can do, thinking your life would be so much better. Then, when you're older, you want to shed all responsibilities and get back to your childhood. I know this isn't true for everyone, but I have a lot of those days. Anyway, this is today's Photo of the Day. Until further notice, this'll be the last entery in my blog as we've had the computer restricted from use. If you need to contact me, please call me.

Fun Times in Eigh Mile

2009-08-06T23:58:00.002-06:00

Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking about Camping, and I kept coming back to my years spent at Girl's Camp. Though for a week during the summer, I had to wear nothing but long pants, I totally enjoyed myself. I remember staying up late singing camp songs, playing pranks on the girls that were there for the first time, and my all time favorite was getting out of the shower (heated by campfire), opening the door to head back to camp and come face to face with a doe and her baby.
Unfortunately, today's photo isn't of that, it's of the last year I spent there. I had been bugging the Priesthood leaders whom were up there, and they'd had enough and tried to tape me to the pole of the lodge. I was shocked at how much of a cruddy job they did, as it was too easy to get out of, but it was fun. I must say that I went out with a bang. Someday I'd love to go back, we'll see.

No Wonder

2009-08-05T18:21:00.003-06:00

Today's photo is of Merlyn. I read somewhere it doesn't matter how old a dog is to tape their ears, as long as there's not a permanent "Fold". The breeder I got Merlyn from said his ear leather is too thick to stand on it's own, but I figured hey, what the heck, why not just give it a shot.
So, we got some breathable tape, and some paper towels, and I taped Merlyn's ears up. They're supposed to be like that for 2 weeks, then I change the bandages and start over until the ears stand on their own. We'll see how patient we can be with this, so far Merlyn is handling it pretty well, with a few head shakes here and there.

I also taped them up to take the ear off of his neck, the poor guy kept scratching at it because the ear was tickling his neck. He has scratched a hole in his neck and there's no longer hair in that area. I'll post photos of his progress as it goes.

Needed Motivation

2009-08-04T11:26:00.004-06:00

Ok, I've thought long and hard about this, and I've decide to follow Chrystal's example by doing a "Photo of the Day" on my blogs, to try to put entries in each day. Today is the issue I've been having with my toe. Last week, as I was cutting my toenail, I cut a little too deep, and ended up with an ingrown toenail. I've soaked it at least 3 times a day, tried to keep it from being smacked or bumped into and then a few days ago, Patty and Kevin stopped by on their way home to Rupert. I told her about my toe, and she suggested I grate a potato, and put it on my toe, then wrap it with a band aid. I am now on day 2 of this "home remedy" and just barely able to get some of the infection out. The pressure is slowly going away, and beginning to clear up a little.

Yes, it looks gross, but most of it is because of the dried on potato.

Weird Animals

2009-07-23T16:18:00.004-06:00

Well, lately I've been locked up in the computer room with all the dogs, including Moto, when Dave lets Dante and Tika out to eat. Last night, as I was doing things on the computer, I happened to glance over at the door, and this is what I saw. Moto I guess thinks he can fit under the door, and this isn't the only door he does this to. He has been caught trying to get into Heather and Chas's room as well.
I just thought it was a bit interesting to say the least. I'm discovering that Moto is quite the Character. He'll sit on his rear and lick and lick and lick........
It was just interesting. As you all know, we've got weird animals, but that's also because of the humans they live with I guess.

My Idea Of Fireworks

2009-07-13T16:06:00.004-06:00

Last night Dave and I went to Wal Mart to get out of the house for a bit. On our way there, we ran into a lightning storm. It was beautiful. We called Heather and Chas, then Marsh and Emily to see if they'd want to watch it. We didnt' get a hold of Marsh and Emily, but I tried to record what I could with my phone. The video is sideways, couldn't figure how to turn it around, sorry. Just turn your head to the left, and you'll get a sore neck, but the origional view.

Quality Family Time

2009-07-13T14:33:00.003-06:00

After Kaitlynn went home, and Dave was off work, we went to Idaho Falls with Marsh, Emily, and Tucker. I sat in the back with Tucker and Emily, and the 3 of us fell asleep on the drive up. First thing we did when we got there was go to Red Robin for dinner. It had to be Birthday night because while we were there, they sang to at least 10 people. While waiting for Emily to finish feeding Tucker, I played a "Stacker" game and won a few key chains. We played with them for a bit, watched Tucker play with the balloon I gave him, and then ate our meals.
I got a chicken sandwich that was excellent, and we were all pleased with our meals. After dinner, and Marsh and Emily sucking the helium out of the balloon, we went to Toys-R-Us. I walked around a bit, then found some pointers for our Nintendo DS's. They were Light Saber pointers that light up, and Dave liked them. I got Yoda's and he got Vaders. After Toys R Us we went home and called it a night. It was a fun time with them, and I think it's safe to say that we'd love to do it again someday.

Friday Night Fun

2009-07-12T18:11:00.003-06:00

Friday night, after babysitting the girls, Dave and I met the Chaney family at Tough Guy Lanes, for a game of bowling. It was something that Janelle and I planned, and I thought it went over well. Kaitlynn had TONS of fun, and wanted to help EVERYONE bowl. Because I already suck at bowling, I let her help me out on my turn, and for a while, we were ahead of everyone else. When it came time for Kaitlynn's turn, Lee and Janelle took turns helping her out.

After our game was over, we decided to head back to Mom and Dad's to teach them how to play Farkle. They caught on quick, and while we were playing, Kaitlynn slept in the other room. After Farkle, we all decided it was time to call it a night because Dave had to work the next day. There was no fighting, no bickering, and things were pretty fun I thought. It was good to just go out and have fun, without worrying about fights or anything else.

Poor Poor Puppet

2009-07-05T12:08:00.003-06:00

Friday I decided that Merlyn's hair was getting long enough to where he needed a shave. To top it all off, where his wound was, was stained from the meds used to flush his wound, so I wanted to get rid of that part too. I started to shave him on Friday, but never finished because I had other things to get done and he needed a break. Yesterday rolls along, and I think "hhmmm, maybe I should finish him off....." so I pull out the clippers after helping Mom and Dad with the Single Adult Luncheon at the church.
While I was finishe him up, I thought it'd be fun to see about giving him a Mohawk. I began to shave the hair away from his ears to the middle of his head, and above his eyes. To my disappointment, it didn't work very well because of the natural part that he has on his head. Then I got to thinking, could I possibly get away with Dying his hair?? I got online during one of my "shaving breaks" and typed in Dyes for Dogs. There were some that had to be purchased for $20 and could cause problems for the dogs, so then I found one about Kool Aid. I read the instructions, thought "hey, this could be easy" and then picked up a few packets and a spray bottle. I had a choice between Purple (Grape) or Red (Fruit Punch) and was disappointed that they didn't have any blue. When I got home, Dave and I decided to run with the Grape. I gave Merlyn a bath, then sprayed down his topknot with the Kool Aide (mental note, when doing this, BE SURE TO USE RUBBER GLOVES!!)
His hair looked grey, and I thought, that'd be cool too, but after it dried, and had time to take to his hair, it turned out to be a faint Lavender color. Looking at it, I'm thinking of adding more, to see if his hair will go a more darker Lavender, so this photo, is going to be a picture of his dye job a work in progress. Let me know what you think. Maybe next time I'll try the Fruit Punch....

Eventful Day Full Of Fun And...................

2009-06-26T00:01:00.003-06:00

So we all know that Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson have passed away. Today was a day to remember them, and the many things and talents they had, and it was a day of fun for me. For the first part of the day, I tried to get a little nap in, and then as promised, Dave and I took Kaitlynn to the park for lunch. She ate half of her cheeseburger and drank her chocolate milk all gone, but we smuggled the rest of her lunch out of the park. The school has a rule that the child MUST eat in the park, cannot share their food with the adults or other people, and can't take any food off the premises.
We then took a walk around the block, and when we got home, Dave fixed lunch for he and I. Then we were given the opportunity to watch Layla while Michael and Shauna went to a ball game in Idaho Falls. We took the girls to COSTCO for samples, then to McKees, and Fred Meyer. When we got home, we worked with Layla on her walking, and tried to include a jealous Kaitlynn. Just before Kaitlynn's parents came to pick her up, I got a text from Shauna asking if I'd be ok with watching Layla over night, that their friends wanted to hang out with them. Knowing that it's not a regular basis, and that it's safer for them and for Layla, I agreed to it. I set up a make-shift bed for her on the floor as I don't like her sleeping in the car seat all night, and refuse to have her sleep with us.
I lied her down on the "bed" and then came up to work on my blog. When I went downstairs for something, I found a cute sight and couldn't resist taking a few pictures. This is what I found:

I make a big deal of this picture because for those of you who don't know Merlyn, and haven't met him, he's extremely shy and skittish. The only child I've really seen him taken to is Kaitlynn. He usually has nothing to do with any of the other children, so it took me by surprise when I found him right next to Layla. I must say that in the whole 4 1/2yrs I've had him, he's mad a LOT of improvement. Good boy Merlyn!!

The "Joys" of Life

2009-06-23T15:09:00.003-06:00

I went in for my yearly physical last Thursday, and everything was fine but the doctor wanted to do a blood work on me. I had to fast for 12hrs before it could be done, so I went in the following morning. Today I got a phone call from Dr. Callaghan with the results of my blood test. I FAILED! Actually, my blood sugar was fine, CBC's were fine, insulin level was fine, but my Thyroid is "off" she says.

She continued to tell me that my thyroid being off might be the reason I'm so exhausted and depressed. She said that she's putting me on a light thyroid med, and wants to test it again in 4 months, unless I get pregnant before then. If I get pregnant before then, she wants to test it regularly, as it effects the pregnancy.

I will keep everyone posted with things as they go, I'm also supposed to drop weight, get more active and eat better. I have talked to a friend's sister who is a nutritionist and she's given me a few good ideas. The Wii Active will soon be a regular thing for me, and I have already started a few good eating habits such as cutting out a LOT of Sweets, eating until I'm COMFORTABLE rather than FULL, and am working on having 3 meals a day that are Healthy. I don't eat fast food often, and am drinking a lot more water.

Well, I need to get going now, got a few things to do before I call it a night and my Advil PM kicks in.

Anniversary Weekend Day 3

2009-06-14T19:04:00.006-06:00

Well, Dave let me sleep in until 12:30ish. When I got up, I got dressed, ate and then asked him what the plans for the day were. Mom, Dad, Marsh and Emily had all gone to Logan for a wedding, so it was just he, I and Heather. We decided to take a trip to Idaho Falls to visit Tauphus Park Zoo. When we got up there, I paid our way in, and just finished looking at maybe 2 exhibits when Chas called Heather. He wanted to walk through with us, and was on his way, so we headed back to the front.

When he finally arrived, we wandered through and looked at all the animals. I had asked if they'd take pictures for me to post on here, and they went a bit crazy with it. It was a lot of fun, we saw lots of Penguins nesting, a baby Lemur, baby Camel, and a Mallard Duck that likes to Dive Bomb the visitors. Heather was fascinated with the Otters, and the Singing Dogs. We also had fun watching one of the Black Swans chasing the Emu's around the enclosure.

When we left the Zoo, we went to Shari's for lunch, and then headed off to the mall. I walked around the mall, looking at the different stores, and then when we got to Barnes and Noble, I decided to see if they had Farkel. To my surprise, they did, and I bought it. After we left the mall, we stopped by Baskin Robbins to get some Ice Cream. (I was delighted to find they brought back Daqueri Ice)When we got back to Pocatello, we fed the dogs and then went to 17 Again. I must say that it was a very good weekend, but a big disappointment to see Dave go back to work. Maybe we should work on winning the lottery so he doesn't have to work.

Anniversary Weekend Day 2

2009-06-14T18:59:00.002-06:00

So we packed and headed home by 12:30 from the cabin. When we got home, we got online to check our finances, and of course, Facebook. Friday was our lazy day. We did our own thing, Dave watched his shows that he'd recorded that he knew I wouldn't watch, and told me to play around on Facebook for a while. When the time came, we took a shower and continued to be lazy.
Mom was pretty worried about me being on the computer rather than spend time with Dave, but we both explained to her that Dave was calling the shots and gave me the ok, even insisted. We went with the family to COSTCO for a little lite shopping, then back home where we pretty much ended up hibernating in the basement.

Anniversary Weekend, DAY 1

2009-06-12T13:30:00.007-06:00

Yesterday we went to Emily's family's cabin in Inkom. The plan was to stay the whole 2 1/2 days there, but when we got there, the place was a mess. Whomever stayed there before us left food on the counter, a saucepan had food in it still, with a bowl placed over top of it, when Dave lifted it, the stuff inside waved at him. There was a metal tub out on the porch that had water, socks, and a dead mouse in it. We spent some time cleaning it to use it, and then were met face to face with one of the Cabin's "residents". The mouse was a pretty good size, and it wasn't shy of people.
After cleaning off the poo from the mattress of the bed we were going to sleep in, we made the bed and crawled in to just relax. This was about 7pm, and as we lied there, we listened to the rain coming down and the mouse nibbling on the food left in the cabin.
We woke up at 10:30pm. and were up long enough to play a couple rounds of cards and have a snack. I stayed up a bit to watch Mason play with the 3 mice that were running around teasing him, then I fell asleep and didn't move until Dave woke me up around 11am. He fixed me breakfast in bed, then we discussed what we wanted to do. We both decided that we didn't want to spend the weekend cleaning to enjoy our time, and we wanted a nice, HOT shower, so we loaded everything up, and headed home. Here are some of the pictures I took while we were there.
This photo was of the mountain behind the cabin, we loved how the clouds were coming down.

This is the cabin. I think we left it cleaner than we found it.

Yeah, this is the outhouse. They dig a deep hole, when it gets full, they bury it, dig another hole elsewhere and move the outhouse to it.

Yes, they even have a Guys AND Gals pee hole. It's quite quaint.

A New Change

2009-06-10T23:02:00.005-06:00

Ok, so for a while now, I've discovered that whenever I get to feeling down about my life, and it goes on for what seems forever, I make a change. It use to be that I'd cut my hair, SHORT, but Dave doesn't like that, so I settled and dyed it instead. I saw this particular color on a friend and asked her if she'd do mine like that. She agreed (THANKS WHIT!!!) to do it on one of her days off, and this is the end result. PLEASE tell me what you think.

2009-06-07T18:35:00.002-06:00

It seems like all I hear lately is "I wish it wouldn't rain" or something to that effect. Sure, we've had a TON of rain over the last week or so, and there's more to come, but really, we need it. Dave and I are planing a camping trip to the Jeter Family cabin the 11-13th. Most NORMAL people would hope for no rain if they were going camping, but me and Dave, as everyone who reads this knows, are not normal. We welcome the rain, especially if it brings thunder and lightning storms.
I love the way the rain "cleanses" everything, makes it all seem fresh and new. Sure, on the days we have "down pours" I'm grateful that we don't live in the house on Deon anymore, knowing we'd have a HUGE water mess to clean up in the basement due to the crack in the foundation. Those days also remind me of the many times we'd visit my Grandparents, build boats and rafts out of anything that would float, and follow them down the overflown gutters for hours on end. I got to thinking about the weather, and began to think "this reflects my feelings". For nearly 2yrs now, I've been fighting depression, and though I'm on anti-depressants, it's a come and go thing.
I have had so many people ask me why I'm so depressed, I honestly cannot answer that. I really don't know, maybe it's the fact I punished my grandfather for others' mistakes and didn't get to say goodbye, or my miscarriages. I do not fully know what triggers the depression, but I cope with it the best way I know how. Lately the "episodes" are more frequent, I don't know if I'm gonna need a stronger prescription, but I don't like it, and to try to kick myself of the drugs, I'm starting a journal designated specifically for when I'm on my "downers". This journal won't be written in on a daily basis, just during the times I feel depressed. I will write my feelings down at the time, and try to figure out what triggered my "episode".
I can liken this depression to the weather right now. Like the rainstorms, though it seems like my depression will never end, the sun shines, or my mood is happy, long enough to remind me that I'm not alone, there are a lot of people out there who care about me and love me. People who want to help if they can, and will always have my back. To all those people, thank you. I know I'm not the easiest person to like, but you see the "Diamond in the rough" and all the potential I have. Thanks for that.

Today's Fun

2009-06-03T00:09:00.007-06:00

Well, today after my "Power Nap" I got a text message from Shauna wanting to know if I could watch the kids because Colby wanted to come over. (That made me feel REAL good.) I told her I would, and got up and ready for them to arrive. When they got here, I gave Layla her belated birthday present. She's now officially a year old, and still just as tiny as ever. Because I hadn't eaten all day, I fixed a much desired BLT, mopped Mom's Kitchen floor with Colby, and then we got on the computer for a little bit.
When dad got home, he spent some time with Colby, and yes, this is how they spent it.

Because Dad didn't know if it was okay with Shauna, he didn't take Colby for a very long ride. We had a lot of fun with them, Layla flipped out and squealed with delight when she saw this

and I busted a gut seeing the look on her face, as well as the look on the neighbor's face when he drove by. I swear, if the doorway were wide enough, he'd have driven it into the house.
Needless to say, Dad is having some well deserved fun with his inheritance and I enjoy watching the little kid in him come out. Here's the finished product of Merlyn being shaved. I'm proud to say that he walked away without any razor burns, and didn't give me much of a problem while I shaved him. The one with the "jacked/shirt" was from a pair of old pj pants I got from Dan. They had a hole in the rear, so I cut them to help cover Merlyn's wound, to protect it from him scratching.

NEVER A Dull Moment....

2009-05-23T15:50:00.003-06:00

So yesterday, the nice woman who bought Grandma's house was cleaning it. She had her Border Collie, Lee, tied up in the back yard, and all the dogs had to investigate and let her know who's boss. Merlyn happened to get between Karma and the Fence, and to put it the way the Vet did, it turned into a bar brawl.
I have no hard feelings toward Karma in any way, sure, she's a Pit, but she's got one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen a dog have. What most people don't see is that she just gets too excited and carried away. We know for a FACT that it's not aggression, if it were, she'd have killed the dogs she's done this to. She also feels deep remorse for what she does, when they come home from the vet, she won't leave the wounded dog's side as if to say she's really sorry she got carried away.
The wound looks much worse than it is, the prep for the surgery took longer than the surgery itself. The top hole was made by Karma, the bottom hole the vet did to let it drain and keep from infection. Merlyn has been a very good patient, and gets as many treats as he wants, considering he has to spend 90% of his days in a cage right now. I will post more pictures after I finish shaving Merlyn. Enjoy.

Mother's Day Weekend....

2009-05-12T01:16:00.003-06:00

This last Saturday, I got a really big confidence booster. Shauna and Michael wanted to party with a few of their friends, and asked if I'd watch Layla for a few hours that evening. Colby was in Blackfoot with his mom, and Layla is such a good baby that I agreed to do so. When they dropped her off, Shauna asked me if I'd keep her all night and they'd pick her up in the morning, or if I'd take her home at 4am for them. I told her that I'd have to discuss it with Dave, and that I'd text her and let her know.
Heather and Chas were also down long enough to drop Panda off for the night. I told them that she could stay in my room as well, in Merlyn's wire crate. Bedtime rolled around and Dave and I decided that rather than wake Layla up by taking her home, she could just sleep over, and so we let Shauna know. We took the top to my Papesan chair, put it on the floor on my side of the bed, and lied Layla down in it. She slept all night and around 5:30am fussed a little until I gave her bottle to her. She slept until her mom picked her up at 11am. As for Panda, she did just as good. She was up and wanting to play at 8am, so I took her and Mason and Merlyn upstairs to run and play.
It really meant a lot to me to know that Shauna and Michael trust me completely with their kids. To say "Why don't you keep them for the night" touched me deeply, especially with the problems I've been having with Kaitlynn's dad. Since that issue started, I've really began to doubt and question myself. I've been told I've done nothing wrong, that I'm an excellent babysitter who is great with the kids. I can't help questioning myself worth, but am trying one day at a time. It helps that I have family and a handful of friends to lean on. You guys know who you are, and I want to thank you for that. It means more than you'll EVER know.

Lighter Spirits

2009-04-28T18:51:00.003-06:00

So yesterday, all day long, all I heard was playful banter back and forth between mom and dad. Feeling my oats from a stressful week, I got a wild hair so to speak and started in on the banter. At one point, mom told me to take care of a box full of packing peanuts that my Summer Scents from Gold Canyon were shipped in. After Dad and Mom went down to Wii, I took the box of peanuts to their room, pulled their sheets back and spread the packing peanuts all over the bed. Then I put the sheets back to where they had them, and threw the box in the garage.
Nothing was said, nobody was in the room, until Bed Time. I was on Facebook when mom was heading to bed. Before too long I heard mom exclaim " Jessica Hollingsworth". I burst into laughter listening to her rant things like "what am I going to do with you", "brat", "turkey". It was HILARIOUS. Meanwhile, Dad is wandering around the house trying to figure out what's going on. I told him to go to bed and he'd know, so he headed to his room. Mom recruited him to help clean the bed, and I just sat in the computer room, laughing and doing my own thing on Facebook.
It really made my night, but what topped it all off is when Dave went to their room, and said to mom. "I hear you're moving." Mom said "Why?" and he said " because I see you're packing" She said she knows some kids who'll be packing if they're not careful. It was all said out of fun, but she warned me to watch my back. Empty threats.............
THERE WILL BE MORE TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Father

2009-04-21T11:38:00.006-06:00

Since our neighbor across the street was found dead in Feb, his father and friends have been working around the clock to get the estate settled. A few days ago, Dad came home with 2 photos that surprisingly enough, really fit him. the first, I will admit is "dad's" profile. The second, would have been my father and Grandpa.

Dad likes them so much that he hung them in the computer room, and that's what you get to look at when you look away from the computer.
On a happier note, I'm beginning to come to grips on Grandma's house. They've found a buyer for it, and from what I hear, she's a really neat person. I've asked to keep a tulip from Grandma's flower bed, and the new owner said that it would be ok. It still breaks my heart that I can't have it, and keep it in the family, but it's just a material thing that I can replace with the memories I have of her.
Anyway, I need to get running to make sure the dogs are still in the yard. I promised a 4yr old a trip to the petting zoo today and need to run a few errands before we go.

Nellie

2009-04-17T17:36:00.004-06:00

Over Easter Weekend while we were having family pictures taken, Nellie and Karma were playing and as usual, got to playing a bit too rough. Nellie suffered the most damage as she was given a gaping hole in her chest, while Karma walked away with a few scratches. As you can see, Nellie got staples and has to have her wound drained twice a day. Aparently, nobody likes the idea of doing it, so I'm the one to do it.
Because it's a constant battle to get her to let me put the liquid in to drain it, the vet gave us a sedative to give her. It's great as she gets really drunk and doesn't struggle with me as much. She's taking a TOTAL of 12 pills a day, luckily not all at once. I'll keep y'all posted on her condition as it improves.

Playtime

2009-04-15T18:28:00.003-06:00

Well, this past weekend we blessed Tucker. Dan and Chrystal made it up for the blessing and we had a short but good time with them. While they were here, Chrystal gave me a photo shop disc that she doesn't use. I have been playing with it for hours since, trying to make sense of it and figure out what I'm doing. I'm making a little progress, but we'll see. I want to follow in Chrystal's footsteps and take online digital scrapbooking classes, it'll only be a matter of time........

Rare Photo

2009-04-09T21:28:00.003-06:00

The other day, I decided to play around with my camera. It's not an extravagant thing like Chrystal's or Marsh's, but I thought I'd see what it could do. Because there are so many of them, I decided to use the dogs as test subjects, and Mason won the photo op here on the blog. It is rare that I can catch him blinking his eyes, but somehow I managed to. We also got a few dog beds from Sherri that the dogs have totally loved. This is how Merlyn spends most if not all of his time, sometimes with Kaitlynn beside or on him. She's his human when she's here. Maybe someday I'll be able to get a camera like what Chrystal and Marsh have. Right now, I'm gonna hit the hay.

Monster Truck National Finals

2009-04-06T09:55:00.003-06:00

So, every year, Marsh, Emily, Dave and I go to the Monster Truck National Finals at the Holt Arena. Usually we get the nosebleed seats, but this year was my first time in the VIP section. When we got to our seats, I wanted to go to the pit and see all the trucks up close. This year the trucks that were racing were Bigfoot Bad Boy, Hot Tamale, Excalibur, Equalizer, Miss Behavin (only female driver), Rock Star and Snake Bite. They all were good, but Miss Behavin didn't last long as her first race, she destroyed the rear axel on her truck.
I must say that my favorite is Rock Star. The driver of the truck, Bill Payne, drove my favorite truck, High Voltage, in the first Monster truck show I went to. He's just a down to earth kind of guy, and really seems to be there for the crowd. Though it is really loud and you almost choke on all the exhaust fumes, the Monster Truck shows are fun to attend, and it's something I look forward to every year. What can I say, there's a little bit of Redneck in me after all.......

There May Be Hope Yet.......

2009-03-27T08:12:00.002-06:00

Ok, so last Sunday, I got up at 8:30 because the dogs wanted out. Church starts at that time, and I didn't see myself going. Dad told me to get dressed and go to church because Mom needed help teaching her class. I did as I was told (yeah, that's a first.) and got dressed and went to church. When I walked in, the kids greeted me and really took to me.
We only stayed long enough to partake the sacrament, then went home because we've all been fighting colds. As we were leaving, we saw the Elders Quarm President, and I asked him when he's going to visit Dave. He came while we were out on Tuesday night, but invited Dave to play Basketball and go Bowling. I told Dave he's going bowling so he can't use the excuse of "I don't know anybody" anymore. I am not going to push him at Basketball because he's so out of shape, I don't want to kill him, at least not right now.
My goal is to be paying my tithing and going to church on a regular basis so I can get my recommend renewed by the end of the year. We're working on Dave rearranging his schedule so he can have weekends off, hopefully he can pull it off, it would be nice to be able to attend church with my husband. It would also benefit us if he had weekends off because it'd be easier for us to be able to see his family.

Tucker James Hollingsworth

2009-03-16T10:11:00.004-06:00

Well, it's been a little over a month since he came into this world, and I just got the ok from Marsh to post 1 photo of Tucker, last night. This is my favorite one of him so far, at least that I have in my possession. When I get a better one, beleive me, it will be switched out.

Making Progress

2009-03-07T00:05:00.003-07:00

Because Dave prefers to keep Dante, and people have said that he doesn't pay much attention to him, I wanted to prove that he does get playtime in with Dante. Lately I've been curious how he'd interact with Karma. I brought them together in the house, and this is their second meeting.
Yes, Karma looks pretty evil, but she and Dante were having tons of fun. Meanwhile, Tika was locked outside in the backyard because her and Karma clash, or don't play well with each other. I felt bad for her, but really had no other choice. We're still trying to get her a better home, but nobody seems to follow through with meeting her.
Mom and Dad got a new game for their Wii the other day. We gave it a try, and boy, it really kicked my butt. I've decided if I play it once or twice a day, I could drop some serious weight, depending on how intense of a workout I do, and NO it's not a Wii Fit. Well, I should go, gotta shower and Dad is chomping at the bit to get on here. Hope all is good for everyone.

The Mullett

2009-02-27T17:19:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I took Merlyn in to the Groomer. He hadn't been done for a few months, and was pretty bad. Just before I went to pick him up,Lois (the nice woman who grooms him for me)asked if she could cut back some of his topknot so he could see better. I told her that it was ok, that he'd probably be very grateful. Somehow she and I misunderstood on how to cut his topknow, and this is the result of it.

Dave really got a kick out of it and immediately called him "Billy Ray". I thought about having Lois just cut the long stuff, make him look like one of the beetles or Moe from the 3 Stooges. Really though he looks a little funny, he seems to like it a lot. I'm not sure if I'd have her do it again though, unique that it is for a dog to have a mullett. We'll see what the future holds.

Talk About Inspiration

2009-02-22T11:58:00.003-07:00

Ok, brace yerselves, for the first time in a VERY long time, yours truely pulled her LAZY butt out of bed this morning and actually showed her face at church. I was amazed with myself for I hadn't had much sleep. Due to Dave snoring all night and being able to hear him THROUGH the earplugs, I hadn't been able to doze off until he died down around 4:30am. Mom called me 30 min before church started and knowing she woke me up, decided to tell me that she'd see me after church.
Here's where the inspiration comes in, after I got off the phone with her, I lied ther and thought "I can always take a nap when I get home" so I dragged my sorry carcass out of bed, got dressed and headed to Relief Society. When the lesson came, I chuckled a bit because it was about apostasizing (not sure of the spelling but ya get the point) and immediately thought "of all the days I decide to come". I payed deep attention to the lesson though it was a struggle to stay awake, and knew it was meant for me in a way.
I have had a hard time going back to church since our previous ward treated us the way they did, and I know that you don't go to church for the people, but for yourself. Since we changed wards, I've yearned to get back into church, I want to renew my temple reccomend and go back to the temple, I need to. It's hard for me, but though I don't make it to church much, doesn't mean I don't have a testimony of the gospel. Lying there last night listening to Dave, I began evaluating my life, trying to find out why I'm on anti-depressants, why I'm not as happy as I should. I realized that I've managed to shove aside the one thing that should be first in my life, Heavenly Father. I always talk about praying, reading my scriptures, but end up shrugging it off. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to clean house physically, today was the beginning of me cleaning house spiritually. There are a lot of big changes I need to make in my life, and looking at Tucker, reminded me that there are children of mine in heaven waiting for me to raise them and teach them the importance of the gospel.
Today really opened my eyes, it's time to pour the "sand" out of my lamp and begin filling it with oil so to speak. I really need to set a better example of those around me, and become that strong woman I once was. It's not going to be easy, and I fear I'll be doing it on my own, pray for me that I can succeed at this one thing, maybe I'll do a good turn around soon.

Working From Home

2009-02-18T14:21:00.002-07:00

Well, it's been a week since Dave started working from home. I must say that he enjoys it immensely, especially since he doesn't have to drive to work. Here, he's having a meeting with his boss. He has to do these every Wednesday though it's his day off. He does pretty good at not being distracted, and I leave him alone unless its to see if he's hungry.
I can't believe it's been a week since Tucker was born. He's such a cute little guy, and when his daddy gives me the ok, you'll all get to see a picture of him. I've still haven't passed my kidney stone, at least I dont' think so, and if I have, I haven't felt it pass. Chances are I'll set up another appointment with my Urologist to see what he wants to do next. The pain has subsided, but comes and goes still. We'll have to see what's going on. In the kiddo department, right now I've gotta figure out what's going on with my body. It's still being wacky, and I'm considering talking to my doc about fertillity treatments, possibly even Invitro Fertillization. In the meantime, I'm satisfying my "baby hunger" by seeing Tucker and watching the kiddos.
Speaking of which, I've gotta make sure a little one is actually napping, and then I've gotta start cleaning the house for mom. It's BUNCO tonight, and we are having it here at the house. Hope you all have a wonderful day.

One Heck of A Week

2009-02-12T21:28:00.003-07:00

I've been trying to post things each day, but this week has literally been hell for me. Actually, it's been a rollercoaster really. Tuesday we discovered our neighbor, and Dad's friend, suddenly passed away in his home. Then, at 12:01pm on Wednesday, the newest member of our family arrived into this world. Tucker James Hollingsworth was born weighing 7lbs 1oz and 21 inches long. I got to wrap my arms around that little guy today, and I totally LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would have posted a picture of him, but his daddy said I couldn't, so sorry folks, we'll see what the future holds. I must say though, Emily and Marsh made one cute kiddo. I still haven't passed my K. Stone, so next week I get to chat with the urologist, and see what the plan is. Chances are, they'll want to take a scope up mine and check things out that way, I'm SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSoooooooooooooooooo excited for that one (Yeah Right!)
Dave is working from home now, he started Tuesday, and did pretty good at no distractions until he heard about our neighbor. It's kind of nice havin him home, but at the same time, he gets a bit "Mother Heny" so to speak. It was cute, the slightest noise he'd hear, he'd jump out of the office to see if everything was ok. I love that man more than he knows, and look forward to see him as a father. Right now I'm gonna run, gotta shave his head and hit the sack for a long day of babysitting. Have a good evening everyone and as soon as "Daddy" gives me the Green Light, you'll see a photo of Tucker on here.

Most Expensive Birthday Gift

2009-02-09T15:19:00.006-07:00

Well, I got the mail today, low and behold, I found a statement of my ER trip on my Birthday. I very much am grateful that I've got insurance as it cost me a whoppin $2,878.69. I can't believe how much they charge for the little things. $211 just to pump fluid into your arm,$249 for the pain meds pumped into me. It's insane. The one that scares me the most, and it's because I may have to have another one, is the CT Scan, which is $1,662.
I also received an item I won on EBAY today. I have searched high and low for an Eeyore Water Baby, yes, Eeyore is my obsession. It was fun when I got it because I asked Kaitlynn if she wanted to open my "present". She was all over it, and it took some time for her to get through all the packing tape. Once we got to the baby doll box, she went nuts, threw the packaging in the trash, and then the box it came in. I had to laugh, here's what the trash looked like after Kaitlynn got rid of the packaging. After that, all I heard was "Baby, baby, baby" she was distracted when Layla arrived, then she got to feel what it's like to be a big sister. She does really good with babies, and I hope that someday she'll have that chance to be a big sister, if not, she can always maul my kiddos. I guess it's time to run, gotta help Dave set up his office tonight, tomorrow is his first day working at home. I'll tell you how it goes.

A Really Tough Decision

2009-02-06T19:08:00.002-07:00

As most of you know, when we moved in with Mom and Dad, we brought along our 4 dogs and 3 cats. Because Mom and Dad already have too many animals at their home, and Dante and Tika have to reside in Dad's shop with barely any chances to get out and play, I was stuck making the hard decision to give her a better home. This is not a spur of the moment decision, and nobody has talked me into it. This decision has been something I've been wrestling with for a while. It doesn't seem like it to people, but I really do care about her, and love her more than I thought. Today I posted her on Craigs List, and within an hour of posting it, somebody responded. They're coming over an hour away to see her, and possibly give her a new home.
I do have mixed emotions about it, I love her to death, and have good memories of her, but I also know that she'll be in a better home where she can live a better life. She'll have the chance to be a dog, to run and play, be a member of the family. I'm excited for her, and hope they take her and possibly Dante. It'll be bittersweet, and if they want to keep me posted on her for a little while, that's fine, I just want whats best for the dogs.

Conquering the Giant

2009-02-05T21:09:00.003-07:00

Yesterday, Dave's baby brother Joseph showed up at the house to return some DVD's he'd borrowed, and borrow more. While he was here, Kaitlynn and Colby began to play with him, and entertain him. I came into the room, and saw that Kaitlynn decided to climb Mt. Joseph to get my father's glove. Finding this quite funny, I snapped a few pictures. Joseph stayed for a while, then left. The kids totally adored him, and I'm sure he had just as much fun as they did.

Quality Time

2009-02-02T18:34:00.003-07:00

Today I had all three kids at the same time. Before Colby and Layla arrived, I took the liberty to print out some color pages for them. Knowing Colby is a big Spiderman fan, I found one that I thought he'd like, and let him pick out a few more pages once he got here. As you can see, it went over quite well. It kept them entertained, and while they were coloring, we tried to teach some of the colors to Kaitlynn.