Making this OUR year, one month at a time.

  So, last month, Dave and I got the opportunity to travel to Santa Monica, CA for  a few days. He'd won a contest at work at selling the most STARZ programming, and was in the running for a similar trip, to Miami, FL. On March 12, Dave took a little break from work, and as he stood there looking at the calendar, I happened to ask him if he'd heard anything about the trip to Miami, if he knew if he won or not. He told me that he had and I got all giddy. I had NEVER been farther East than North/South Dakota, and was praying he'd win so we could go on another WELL NEEDED Vacation. With winning this trip, I will have been able to say that I have touched the Pacific Ocean, The Gulf of Mexico AND now the Atlantic Ocean. I"m honestly looking forward to flying again. I don't know why but I absolutely LOVE flying and wish I could do it all the time. We leave for Miami on April 3rd and will return home on April 6. Unlike Santa Monica where we didn't have as much time as we thought to be together, we will have 90% of the time to ourselves and could end up with at most, $1,000 in spending money.  We have a meet and greet the day we arrive, then breakfast with everyone on Friday and a Pool Party on Saturday night. The rest of the time is all ours to do with as we please. Because we don't have any transportation, we will most likely spend our time on the beach or at the pool.
  Lately I've been considering becoming a Flight Attendant. I was told that some people don't think I would be able to do it, others think I'd be great at it. I don't know why, but I think it'd be a job I'd love although I'd miss 5 ankle biters like crazy. I know it'd be a lot of strain on my marriage, being gone long periods of time but at the same time, it'd help us get on our feet. Dave and I have discussed this a little bit, and will be praying about it, but something keeps telling me to give it a try and see what happens.  I'm weighing the pros and cons and really looking into it before I make any permanent decisions. Like my title says, I'm going to try to make this our year, one month at a time. I've got a lot of goals, but the most important ones are to get on our feet, keep a positive attitude/outlook on things, and get into Shape. There are a few things I want to do that requires me to be fit, there's Spinderella, an all woman's bike ride, and of course, Relay for Life. I know you don't really need to be in shape for that but it helps. I've already made a little progress on some of these things, and pray each night that I can keep the stamina or improve it. I'm not perfect, never claimed to be, but I want to be the best ME I can be and this year I'm going to focus working on that. I'll post more about my trip when I get home. Until then, I hope everyone has a great remaining Month.

Treasure Every Moment

    "Treasure Every Moment". It doesn't matter if it's a good or a bad moment, just treasure it. Why the bad moments do you ask? Well, this may be my weird way of looking at things, or maybe I'm just plain crazy, but think about it, the bad moments are what builds or defines us. HOW do they define us? Well, take my situation of losing all our things in Auction. It was a really bad situation, and rather than moping and being depressed all the time, I took that moment, and turned it into a POSITIVE. I let a LOT of my things go that were donated to Deseret Industries, kept telling myself that they're just things, they can be replaced and have tried to move on. I am seeking justice, possibly facing a law suit, but not out of revenge. I want to stop this guy from doing this to anyone else. I admit, it would be nice to get some sort of money for my things, but my main goal is to make the public aware of what kind of business this guy runs and maybe stop him from doing this to others. I was given a chance to take the things that were mine, out of Deseret Industries, but though grateful, told the management that it can go to others who need them more than I do. The road isn't over yet, and though it's hard, I try to keep positive but I do. With how my year is starting out, it's enough to make people throw their hands up in the air, shout "I give up" and just be negative all the time. Though it's been tempting, I look to the little things in life and find a smile each day. It's truly amazing how even the littlest things can change your mood in a second.
   "Treasure Every Moment". Since I was put in the Library at church, I've basically become a social recluse or outcast. Nobody talks to me, I feel like I'm totally avoided, and when I try to spark conversation with anyone, it doesn't last long. Sunday, as I was in there organizing things, Brother Mardis stopped in and asked how I was doing. We talked for a little bit and it was one of the best moments I've had thus far. Nobody comes in to see me unless they need something. On occasion, the few friends I have there will stop in and say hi because they know that I feel like I'm in a "hole" when I'm in the library, so to have my Home Teacher come in and talk with me, it felt great. That's a moment I'll definitely cherish. I cherish the first time I laid eyes on Mason. He was this fluffy little thing squished into a small kennel with his 2 siblings. At first I wasn't interested in him, but as we watched all 3 of them in the little "Adoption Room" he caught my eye. While his siblings were fighting for our attention, he cowered under the chair, and when my eyes met his, he peed on the floor. It was an instant connection, this shy little ball of fluff wanting nothing more than somebody to love him. It was truly love at first sight and a moment I've treasured. I also treasure the day I had to say goodbye to him forever. It was the worst day of the year for me, and for him I'm sure. As I held him, waiting for the Doc to come in and end his pain, I looked him in the eyes, and he looked back into mine, thanking me for taking a chance on a shy little puppy so many years ago. That one moment, when our eyes met, that moment, is a moment I have treasured. That was the one moment when our souls basically reached out to each other, where we were able to talk to each other, understand each other, and know how much we loved each other.
   "Treasure Every Moment" to me, is a very powerful phrase. Good or bad, every moment is a moment that can define you. I have no regrets, been hurt too many times in my life to count and will likely be hurt many times to come, but how we handle what's thrown at us,  THAT's  what defines us. "Treasure Every Moment" because the next one may just be your last.

Positively 2014

 I can honestly say that I won't miss 2013. It was full of good and bad, and totally ended on a bad note. Though my sister got divorced, her endowments a month or so later, made a sweet new friend, and my brother and his family visited TWICE this year, all the bad things that have happened this last year don't need to be repeated in my book. I was told that I am not a likeable person, another person told me that I should move where nobody knows everything about me, maybe then I could make friends. These two ladies made me think about how I interact with others, what I value in life and how negative I really am. One of my largest problems I have is that I feel like I'm never understood. People don't really take the time to get to know me, they just scratch the surface and leave it at that. I have a LOT that goes on in my life, things that nobody really knows about and when others look at me, they don't stop to see what's going on, they just assume I'm a bundle of negativity instead of the truth that it's all fear, insecurities, and sadness. This past year, I found one sweet woman who actually took the time to get to know ME, not just the surface, but ME. She has been inspiring to me because she deals with pain each and every day, struggles with how others treat her and is just as misunderstood as I am. She has been a little ray of sunshine in this storm of a year, 2013.
  The day before Thanksgiving, I lost an Aunt, Sandra. She was the oldest of my dad's siblings, and wasn't very close to us at all. It wasn't a total shock to me and for those of you who are reading this thinking "that's horrible" well, you should know the family first. Anyway, her passing reminded me that I had some things in storage I wanted to make sure didn't have water damage from our previous floods. Thanksgiving Day Dave and I loaded the boys in the truck and headed out to our Storage Unit. He'd been trying all through October to get a hold of the owner of the units and let him know we were getting him a payment, but never heard back from him. We went to our units and saw there was no red locks indicating we were near auction with our stuff, so I got the keys, and tried the locks. To my horror, the locks were changed, so Dave called the owner again when we got home. Miraculously, he answered and told us that he'd auctioned our stuff off the weekend before and that it'd been in the paper for a few weeks. He didn't seem to care that we didn't get the paper, or that we'd been trying to get a hold of him. I was crushed and just so upset. I had all my belongings in there, wedding certificates, documents, 35yrs of Stuffed Animals I'd collected, cars, toys, clothes, EVERYTHING was in there, gone.
  I got lucky and found the person who bought our stuff, the following day, by accident. I found him donating some of my things to Deseret Industries, and asked him for a few things back, namely my wedding bouquet and a wooden Tiki that I had inhereted from Grandma Wanda. He agreed to get them to me if he still had them, but everything else was pretty much gone. Anyway, during the holidays, we focused on building a case against the storage company for wrongfully selling our things. We tried to enjoy family, my brother and his family's visit and each other. On January 2nd, we found out that my sweet Great Aunt Ann, my grandma's sister, passed away on the 30th of December. On January 3rd, my Dad's other Sister, Marre' passed away as well, leaving an immense ache in my heart as they BOTH were wonderful women who had an impact on my life. Their funerals BOTH were held on the same day, at the same time, but in different states. I went to Aunt Ann's and it was BEAUTIFUL. With the deaths in the family, losing all my belongings, I've done an incredible ammount of soul searching. I have decided to make this new year as positive as I can. I have started this year out pretty rough, but am determined to finish it on a positive note. Dave has won an all expenses paid trip to Hollywood for him and I in Feb. He is also entered in a trip to Miami, FL that he'll find out about on Valentines Day. This year I'm putting ALL my faith in the Lord, focusing on him and centering my life more around him than I have in the past. I am not faithful in posting on my blogs, so for now, my goal is to do 1 entry a month, maybe more if I can.

Rocky Road, Keeping Chin UP!

 So, I have to say that besides January being full of Birthdays for my family, it was a pretty tough month for me. We experienced 3 deaths in the month, starting with my uncle's mother, Helen McInelly. Though I only met her a few times, she was a nice lady and will be missed. The 2nd death was my Great Uncle Robert. He was my Grandpa's brother, and just an awesome man to be around. I wanted so bad to go to his funeral, but because it was in Oregon and there was a nasty winter storm comming, his widow, Great Aunt JoAnn, requested we stay here, so we honored her wishes. The last passing really shocked me, and I can honestly say that I still don't believe it to this day. The 3rd person to pass away was a great man, a longtime friend of my mom's, and a "2nd Father" to me, was Stuart Wray.  Mom says she knew Stuart since she was 14, that his mother was her Mia Maid teacher, and somehow they got back in touch with each other a little over 3yrs ago.

 I say that Stuart was my 2nd Father because I could talk to him about ANYTHING and he'd really

sit down and listen. It was easier to talk to him than my own dad, and he really let his light shine. I have a lot of fond memories of him, and will NEVER forget what a great man he was. I can remember being at home on a hot summer day only to hear the doorbell ring. When I answered the door, there stood Stuart, in his bike gear just biking over for a visit. If he wasn't riding, he drove and we would just talk about anything. BUNCO was always fun when Stu was your partner, he would joke around or if the mood seemed right, ask how things were going. Once, I found a recipe for a unique cake online and wanted to give it a try. Mom said I could make it for a dessert at BUNCO, so I did. Almost everyone thought it looked quite disgusting, but Stuart got a kick out of it, ate it, and LOVED it. He asked for it a few times after that, today, I regret not making it for him again. Stuart was a great man, and I will truly miss him and his extreme kindness. As February ends and we enter March, I pray that the months just get better and better.                                                                        

 

Happily Welcoming The New Year!

  Well, I'm thinking this year is going to be a good one, at least I'm PRAYING it will. Don't get me wrong, 2012 may have started out rocky, but it was definately full of firsts. It was my first time visiting/living in Texas, first time I've been away from Dave longer than a day or 2, and first time seeing the Gulf Coast up close and personal so to speak. It was the first time I was called to Young Womens, Dave's First time speaking in church EVER, and Heather wanting to get back into church and going through the temple, for herself.
  I will admit this year gave me a lot of anxiety. I wasn't sure how it will be with how last year started, but since day 1, it's been fairly good. I received 2 gift cards for $85 each, for turning in my phone to T-mobile, which came in handy for a few things. We have budgeted our funds so well this first paycheck that we're actually ahead of our bills for the month. When my Birthday rolled around, I was nervous, last year it was HORRIBLE and I wanted so much to make this one better.
  I started it out by taking Dave out to breakfast on my last gift card. After breakfast, we went to see The Hobbit. It was a 3hr movie, but well worth it.  We spent the whole day together and weren't very bothered by anyone. On the 6th, we celebrated it with family. We had Upsidedown Spaghetti for dinner and Heather made me a cake. It wasn't as "all-out" as she's done with everyone else prior, but it was nice and I liked it. I haven't really had much tension or fighting this year and don't plan on it. I have a lot of "resolutions" or goals for this year, starting with finding the positive in everything at least once a day.
  I'm also trying to drop the remaining 30lbs I need to and am starting to cut drastically back on soda. I am drinking more water, and am trying to listen to my body more.  We're working hard on our budget and saving, and hope to be able to move out onto our own again SOON! We'll see where this year takes us, if we're blessed with kids of our own or what kind of other callings we'll be in. I look forward to many more firsts and a very good year, it is what you make it, right?

 

Young Womens and ME

  The photo above is of the Young Women's Values: Faith (White), Divine Nature (Blue), Indivitual Worth (Red), Knowledge (Green), Choice and Accountability (Orange), Good Works (Yellow), Integrity (Purple) and Virtue (Gold). Since I've been put in as 2nd Counselor in the Young Womens, it's started me thinking about my life, and how I'm living it. Each Sunday as we say the Theme, I wonder if I'm living it, and am a good example for the girls.
  I won't lie, I've had a pretty unflavorable past, one that many people would frown upon, but it's just that, my past. I KNEW what I was doing at that time was wrong, but  I did it anyway because I was curious, and I wouldn't change that for anything. I lived with somebody of the opposite sex BEFORE marriage, but NEVER slept together. I drank, tried smoking (that ended quickly) and wasn't living like I should. I turned things around with Dave when he joined the Church, and have strived to live the gospel, though I've slipped a few times.
  Last year I got my recommend back to attend the Temple, just in time to try to heal myself from the false accusations I recieved by my "boss" at the time. This year I attended the temple a few times, and desire greatly to go again, SOON. I missed my primary class dearly while I was in Texas, and looked forward to seeing them upon my return. It was short lived because a few months later, I was released and put into Young Womens. Since I've been in, I've been struggeling with trying to connect with not only the Girls, but also the Presidency, and Advisors. I'm having a hard time trying to do my job because I STRONGLY feel like one of the women is trying to take over everyone's job, and I don't know how to address it without hurting feelings.
  I had a long talk with the Advisor in Young Womens today, and it's refreshing to know I'm not the only one who sees this going on, and came up with TACTFUL ideas on how to address the problem. She agrees that Young Womens isn't going to function properly as long as the Presidency is not in sync with each other and that it needs to be handled quickly. Anyway, knowing the girls can and probably have already picked up on the contention and what's going on, I've decided to focus on MY "Job Description" and what my calling entails. I am going to "strive to live and act upon these values" and be that example for the Young Women that I should be. I'm going to challenge the girls to do their Personal Progress and work on mine as well. I want to be more than just their leader, I want to be their friend.
  This upcomming year, I'm going to focus on bettering myself and finding ways to live my calling. I want to be successful and also want to improve my relationship with my Savior. I pray that this upcomming year will be a good one, and start out better than this year did. I also hope to keep updated on my blogs more often, talk to others more and keep up with family far away, we'll see what changes I make in 2013!

Growing

  There's a lot of truth to this saying, how many times do we focus on the past, rather than build our future? This year started out pretty cruddy for me, and it took me to a really dark place. I didn't think very highly of myself, didn't like the way I looked, and was just completely destroyed as a person. The saying is true, you really have to reach rock bottom before you can start rising up to the top.
   I had a LOT of time to think about things while I was living in Houston,  I wasn't watching Harper any longer, so I had the whole house to myself during the days, and at first I was terrified. I would watch TV half the day, then sweep the house, wash dishes and then play around on the computer. When Dan and Chrystal came home, it was dinner, then TV after Harper's bath and bedtime. I made it a point from the day I landed in Houston, to the day I returned home to Idaho, to write in my journal daily. I didn't have a specific topic, mostly wrote about how my day was, then there ewas a change. Instead of always writing about the day, I'd incorporate how I was feeling that day.
   Since I've returned home, I haven't kept up on my Journal like I've wanted to, missed days, weeks, even months, but when I get a chance to sit down and write in it, and attempt to get caught up, I put stories in it, memories of good times, things I want future generations to know about me, what I was like, and just get to know how I ticked. I haven't really had too much time to myself, except when I'm working but those times when I get to sit and deeply think, I think about the ways I want to improve my life and make myself happy. I've started focusing on the Gospel more, trying to build a relationship with my savior, and strengthening my relationship with my husband. I try to think or look for 1 thing that's positive each day, and on the days when I think about the negative things that've happened in my past, I try to think of the positive things.
  This year alone I've been truly blessed, starting off with weight loss. In January, just before I flew to Houston, I weighed in at 175lbs. With the few months of exercise, the Green2o and Sxinney, and being more aware of what I'm eating, I've managed to lose 20lbs. I'm currently weighing in at 159lbs, and have even dropped down to 158. I don't have so many downers and though I hate the way my teeth are decayed or missing, I'm smiling more than I have in years. It's refreshing to get into clothes I haven't been able to wear for years. I struggle still, but not as much, and when faced with a problem, I try to work it out, or ask for help. I'm learning to not be so hard on myself, or to let people push me over and take advantage of me. I don't know how much progress I can make or am making, but I'm putting forth the effort, and that's all that matters, right?