TURKEY DAY

 Ok, let me start out by saying HAPPY THANKSGIVING! So it's not so happy for Turkeys everywhere, but what can we say, those birds are just so darn good, especially deep fried! Anyway, this week has been quite busy for me. I woke up Sunday morning with a really nasty headache. I figured it was due to a toothache, so that Monday morning I called the dentist. They said they could get me in at 10am, that morning, so Kaitlynn and I went. Before we went, I also made an appointment with my doc to be re-checked for a UTI. Kaitlynn had the experience of a lifetime there. Not only did they give her a balloon, but they let her take the X-Rays of my teeth, and spent some time with the receptionist. The dentist went to drill, and ended up busting off the whole face of one of the teeth. Sadly, I wasn't surprised something like that would have happened. After the dentist, I went back to watching the kids, and took it easy the rest of the day. Tuesday morning I went to the Doctor with Dave and the kids. They waited in the waiting room while I peed in the cup and found out that I just had a yeast infection caused by the meds given to me to cure my UTI.  We went home, got lunch and naps squared away, and when kids left and Mom got home, went to fill my prescription. We got all our shopping done for Thanksgiving dinner, and called it a night. Wednesday was spent baking pies, picking rolls up and cleaning. Mom did majority of the work, I tried to keep the kids out of the way. As I was online getting coloring pages, I somehow screwed up my part of the computer, and spent about 5hrs trying to fix it, we thought it was fixed by the time a VERY frustrated Jess went to bed.
  Dave and I slept in today, it was nice to be able to feel rested when we got up, had breakfast with the whole family and I found that my computer problem wasn't fixed. I spent about 3 1/2hrs trying to fix the problem, and I am VERY PROUD to say that I did it. I had a nice time with my family, cuddling with Tucker while watching the new Conan movie with Dave, laughing at/with Marsh and just relaxing and reflecting on life in general. I am thankful for my family, we don't always get along or talk to each other, but I wouldn't trade them for anyone else. We have our quirks, but who doesn't? Hope you guys have a very happy Thanksgiving.

Reflecting

  Today my newest nephew, Harper Tritz Hollingsworth, is officially a week old. I was able to see some more pictures of him, and though I wanted to post a photo on here, I didn't because I haven't gotten permission from the parents. Anyway, with his birth, being around Tucker, Josie, Troy, Kaitlynn and Madison, and watching Heather prepare for Bently arriving into this world, adding my friend's new additions to their family, I've done a lot of thinking back on things, and though I shouldn't live in the past, it helps with the new editions around me.
  I joke that I was the first kid in my family to give my parents a grandchild. I'm pretty sure everyone has their doubts, but I know deep down in my heart that I was expecting, and lost that baby shortly into the pregnancy. At the time I lost the baby, I had suspicions that it was a miscarriage but wasn't 100% sure. I didn't dwell on it, but it was always in the back of my mind. Then when my sister in law miscarried, her and my brother came over and they described the whole thing, what it looked like, what she felt and all my doubts were wiped away. I knew right then that I had miscarried, and Dave agreed. What they were telling us, was exactly what I experienced, and they described it as if they were there when it happened.
  About a month ago, we went to Deseret Book for a few things. While we were looking around, I found this painting and instantly fell in love with it. When I read the caption, it brought tears to my eyes, because that painting depicts how I feel my baby that I lost is being cared for. I lost that little one so many years ago, but I know it's in good hands, and if I do what I am supposed to, I'll have a chance to hold that little one in my arms, to love it and raise it in the next life. I truly love my Nieces and Nephews, the little kiddos that are in my care, and have been in my care, but just once, I 'd love to be able to not have to give them back, to keep them and raise them. I've read my patriarchal blessing, Dave's too, and even though it's hard, I have the faith that the Lord has something special in mind for me, and I have to abide by the Lord's time, but it's so hard. I struggle to keep positive, have hope and faith that my turn will come. I am happy for my siblings, I love their kids, but dang it, I wanna be part of the Mommy Club dang it!!!!!
  I am not writing this to make anyone feel bad, that's not my intention. I'm trying to just get feelings out that I can't seem to put into words when I TALK. Yes, I am jealous of everyone having babies, being unable to have any of my own, everyone says to not think about it, but when I say " I give up" I'm told not to. I don't think anyone fully understands that I just don't have it in me anymore. I'm tired of having the hope that someday I'll be a mother, exhausted and I really don't think I can do it anymore. I say I give up, but really, I just don't want to think about it, and need to just focus on myself and other things. I have issues, those issues need to be resolved before I think of kids, and I have to ignore my biological clock in the meantime. I have to focus on putting my faith in the Lord, and remember that only HE knows what's best for me. Right now, I'm gonna love the little ones in my life with all my heart, and be the best Aunt that I can be for them. I really am happy for my siblings, and welcome Harper with open arms and a open heart.

Lucky #13

  Ok, for years I've been saying that 13 is my lucky number. I know that a lot of people think that particular number is jinxed  but it's always seemed to bring me luck.
  I was lucky to share 13yrs of my life with the best friend I could have ever had. I don't care if he was a dog, Mason was my best friend and I could count on him come hell or high water. He helped me through 13yrs of a roller coaster ride that at times, I wanted more than anything to get off of.
   Now, 13 is the number of Nieces and Nephews I have between the Hollingsworth and the Lage families. We have on the boys: Isaac, Matthew, Joshua, Tucker, Troy, RJ, Andre, Harper and Bently will be coming soon. On the Girls, we have: Sara, Faith, Destiny and Josie. Our newest arrival came on November 9, 2011. He is Harper Tritz Hollingsworth and I am a very happy aunt. I look forward to meeting him in a few months but until then have to settle with pictures. Mom and baby are doing just fine. He was born at 7:03am, weighed in at 6lbs, 2oz and is 18 3/4in long. From the pictures, he's adorable and looks a lot like his mommy (Sorry Dan.). As you all know, I've wanted kids for a really long time, and though it's really hard to see everyone else having the one thing I desire, I want those of you who know my situation, to know that I am genuinely happy for you guys. Dan, Chrystal, thank you so much for keeping me UTD on things, nobody really understands that it's easier on me if I'm included in the loop so to speak, rather than people hiding it from me or worried it'll upset me. I don't like feeling like everyone has to hide their pregnancy, or happieness because of me, it makes things harder for me. I may not be a mother or have kids of my own, but to be included in the lives of my nieces and nephews fills that void more than anyone will know. Once again, I am so happy for the new parents, and can't wait to meet you in person Harper. Aunt Jess loves you much more than you will ever know, just as much as your cousins!

Quite A Night

  Ok, so on Friday night, Dave and I took the kids out and walked around the stores for a bit, then picked Pizza up for dinner and headed home. It was snowing nicely, and when we got towards the house, I saw a white pick up pull out of the driveway, and head the opposite direction as I was. The car in front of me immediately flipped a U-turn and flagged the truck down. Thinking it was a little odd, but thought maybe they knew each other and somebody forgot something, I pulled into the driveway and went in the house with Dave and the kids. Not even 10 minutes went by when we heard a knock on our door. It was our neighbor telling us that somebody just ran into one of the cars in our driveway and the person fled the scene. She said her and her husband flagged the driver down and got her license plate number. Police were called and that was the beginning of an exciting evening.
  As mom was on the phone with dispatch, I walked in and told her that an officer was already there, and by the time she hung up the phone, two more arrived with lights flashing. I went next door to fill Nicole in on what was going on, and as I was talking to her, you could hear the woman who hit the vehicle (it was a Cadillac that my brother sold an hour prior to being hit) refuse to cooperate with the police, and fight them. It took 3 officers to cuff her and get her into the back of one of the squad cars, all the while trying to calm her boyfriend down as well. I guess what had happened was she was going to see her boyfriend who lives about 3 houses away from us. She pulled into the neighbor's driveway (the ones who flagged her down) almost hitting them, then into our gravel drive way, then into our other driveway hitting the Caddy. What I saw when I was heading home was her backing out of the Caddy and leaving.
  Marsh, Emily and the kids showed up shortly after police arrived, and Tucker went nuts over the flashing lights. Once all was said and done, everyone froze and the police left, we resumed business as usual. It was not until 3 days later that we found out that they published it in the local paper, address and all of where it happened. The woman was charged with a DUI and I THINK resisting arrest. It's rarely dull and boring here at the Hollingsworth residence. That's what makes our life fun and eventful, and isn't it what makes memories too?