Before we went to the Ultra-Sound, we discovered a grim problem with Mason. He couldn't use his back end very well. He struggled to walk, couldn't keep his balance and was very disoriented. I gave him some tylonal to ease his pain while I was at the ultra sound, but when I got back, my heart shattered when I saw that he had proceeded to go down hill. He began to lose control of his bladder, was really drooling, and couldn't walk at all. I called the vet and we got him in within an hour.
The Vet confirmed that Mason had some kind of Neurological damage that could have been caused by a stroke or even cancer. They didn't know for sure, and wouldn't know for sure unless they ran blood work. At that moment, as I began to let the tears flow, I looked at how much my sweet boy was suffering, and then tearfully told the Vet that it'd be better to just let him go. I figured what's the point of spending more money, just to confirm that he was at the end of his road, and continue keeping him in pain while we found a diagnosis. I looked my best friend, my baby boy in the eyes, and knew this is what he wanted too. When the vet and his tech left the room, Dave brought Kaitlynn , Heather and Troy into the room to say their goodbyes. Kaitlynn kissed his head, told him she loved him, and then left to play again. The tears started flowing when I watched Troy with him. He gave Mason the biggest hug he could, said "Bye bye, I love you" in the clearest voice he could, and they left the room. Dave followed behind, leaving me alone to say my farewells.
I looked my sweet baby boy in the eyes, and for 1 minute, they focused on me, taking in what I was saying, and in a way, telling me that he loved me so much. I knew I was making the right decision, that he was grateful, and then, after laying my blanket on the ground for him, he got onto it, lied on my lap, and I held his head, hugging him, talking sweetly to him, and crying. That's how they found me when they came in to euthanize him. Mason didn't struggle when they put the needle in, like he usually would, he looked at me as if to thank me, then he was gone. My heart left with him, and I knew that life would never be the same again. They gave him a little more drugs after that, to make sure that he really was gone, and while we were waiting for the tech to get back with them, I happened to catch the song playing on the radio, and told the Vet it wasn't a good song to play at the moment. It was "Let Her Cry" by Hootie and the Blowfish. I bawled and bawled, knowing my best friend, that sweet little puppy that won so many people over in his life, had to move on to another adventure without me, and it killed me.
We wrapped the blanket around him, put him on a stretcher and carried him to the truck. When we got home, Dad had the grave dug, and ready for Mason. Kaitlynn and I kissed him one last time, and watched as he was burried. Things haven't been the same since. I have a hard time when I leave because when I get back, I expect to be greeted at the door with his big smile, happy to see me, but it's not there. I get up in the morning, look on the floor to make sure I don't step on him, but he's not there. A lot of people don't really understand the bond he and I had, yes, he was a pet, to most people, but to me, he was so much more than that. He was a protector, a companion, a friend, and the love of my life. I didn't want to let go of him, but had to, and look forward to the day I'll get to see him again. For now, like I told him in that little exam room, he's taking care of my kids, looking down on me, making sure I"m ok. I know that with time, I will be able to move on, and that he's not suffering anymore. I miss him so much more than I even imagined, and am taking things one day at time.
"The greatest gift we can give one another is rapt attention to one another's exixtance."
Mason, you truly did that to me. You were by me through thick and thin, were my best friend and was always there for me. I miss you and love you so much!
No comments:
Post a Comment