Ok, so all of you who are reading this know that for over 6yrs, I've struggled to get pregnant, lost a pregnancy, and struggle to stay strong with each pregnancy in the family.
This is something that I should have done a long time ago, and I need to let everyone know this. First of all, to Chrystal and Heather, and their spouses, CONGRATS! I couldn't be happier for you guys. Same with Rachel and Andy, I can't wait to see my new nephew.
That being said, I really appreciate the consideration of my feelings being spared when you find out you're expecting, but at the same time, it makes it worse if you don't tell me. In the long run, don't hesitate to share the good news, because beneath the tears, I really genuinely am happy for you. I may not be a mom, but I can be the best Aunt those kids can see and know. That being said, I want to share with everyone why it is that I cry when I hear the good news, and why I also hurt. I don't know that very many people know as I kept my pain deep within myself, but deep down , in the bottom of my heart, I believe that I was expecting about 4yrs ago, but lost it a few weeks into the pregnancy. Because the pregnancy test came back negative, Dave didn't believe me, but deep in my heart, I knew. Then when Emily miscarried before Tucker came along, and told us all about it, Dave knew I was too pregnant.
I don't cry because I can't have kids as easy as others, but because every time somebody mentions they're expecting, I think of that little one I lost. My child would be about 4 or 5yrs old right now, maybe younger, don't remember for sure. I hide the pain I feel every day for that child, and though I come across as sad or hurt, I really truly am happy for my friends and siblings who are expecting.
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