~Wildflower~

"She's faced the hardest times you could imagine.
And many times her eyes fought back the tears.
And when her youthful world was about to fall in, Each time her slender shoulders, bore the weight of All her fears, and the sorrow no one hears, still rings In midnight silence, in her ears....

 Let her cry, for she's a lady. Let her dream, for she's a child. Let the rain fall down upon her, she's a free and gentle flower, growing wild.

 And if by chance that I should touch her, let me hold her for a time. And if allowed but one possession, I will pick her from the garden to be mine. Be careful how you touch her, for she'll awaken, and sleep's the only freedom that she knows. And when you walk into her eyes you won't believe, the way she's always payin' for a debt she never owes. And the silent wind still blows, that only she can hear, and so she goes."

When I first heard this song, I was in a rough patch in my life. I quickly felt this song was the best one out there that described how I felt about myself, and it became my "theme song" so to speak. Through the years since then, it has been an appropriate choice. Currently my brother in law is having marital problems. I know with this entry, it's going to start a fire with people, but now's time to throw the shit into the fan so to speak. I've not hidden the fact that I dislike, ok, HATE this brother in law's wife. I have almost since day 1 of meeting her, and have tried to like her for everyone's sake, but just couldn't bring myself to doing it, and haven't hidden it anymore.
 
 Because I have such a hate for her, it seems like they like to blame me for things that go wrong in the family, like she tries to make them think it's my fault. I am closer to my brother in law than I am with the rest of my husband's family, mainly because he talks to me more than everyone else does. When she gets her feelings hurt or can't handle things, she runs and cries to my in-laws, twisting everything into her favor, making herself look good, like her poop smells like roses. I'm tired of that, and from what I've seen my brother in law doesn't get that "Luxury" to vent to very many UNBIASED people so he turns to me, knowing I  will listen and not go off on him. Keep in mind, I only hear one side of the story, and regardless of how I feel about this "Little Girl" (I use the term "Little Girl" as she can't own up to her own mistakes and has to blame others for her actions. She also can't face her problems as an ADULT and has to run to mommy and daddy when something happens.) I don't try to get involved. The only thing I have really said to him was/is "Sit down without anyone and actually talk to her, tell her how you feel and go from there"

  Recently he's moved to Idaho Falls, and she and the kids are still in Jerome. Since he moved there, he's spent the weekends with us and every time he goes back to Idaho Falls, she gets after him for something stupid, knowing he was around us. Whenever he decides he wants to share his feelings with her, if they are what she doesn't want to hear, she runs and cries to HIS parents, rather than own up to the cause and try to settle it as a couple. Because of this, I have now been the blame of all their problems, and my Father in law backs her up on all of it. I think it's sad that even though we've basically been "outcasts" in their family, they go further and basically tell the ONLY one who makes the effort to talk to us, not to because we're bad for him.

I once believed in the importance of family, but as each day goes by, that belief has vanished. As I said before, I'm knowingly throwing the "crap into the fan" at this point, but feel like I have nothing to lose. I've tried and tried, but it's no use "beating a dead horse" so now the balls in their court, and they know where to find me. To those family members who read this, I am not to blame, it is not, nor has it ever been my fault that this Brother In Law got his spine back and stood for how he feels.