It seems like all I hear lately is "I wish it wouldn't rain" or something to that effect. Sure, we've had a TON of rain over the last week or so, and there's more to come, but really, we need it. Dave and I are planing a camping trip to the Jeter Family cabin the 11-13th. Most NORMAL people would hope for no rain if they were going camping, but me and Dave, as everyone who reads this knows, are not normal. We welcome the rain, especially if it brings thunder and lightning storms.
I love the way the rain "cleanses" everything, makes it all seem fresh and new. Sure, on the days we have "down pours" I'm grateful that we don't live in the house on Deon anymore, knowing we'd have a HUGE water mess to clean up in the basement due to the crack in the foundation. Those days also remind me of the many times we'd visit my Grandparents, build boats and rafts out of anything that would float, and follow them down the overflown gutters for hours on end. I got to thinking about the weather, and began to think "this reflects my feelings". For nearly 2yrs now, I've been fighting depression, and though I'm on anti-depressants, it's a come and go thing.
I have had so many people ask me why I'm so depressed, I honestly cannot answer that. I really don't know, maybe it's the fact I punished my grandfather for others' mistakes and didn't get to say goodbye, or my miscarriages. I do not fully know what triggers the depression, but I cope with it the best way I know how. Lately the "episodes" are more frequent, I don't know if I'm gonna need a stronger prescription, but I don't like it, and to try to kick myself of the drugs, I'm starting a journal designated specifically for when I'm on my "downers". This journal won't be written in on a daily basis, just during the times I feel depressed. I will write my feelings down at the time, and try to figure out what triggered my "episode".
I can liken this depression to the weather right now. Like the rainstorms, though it seems like my depression will never end, the sun shines, or my mood is happy, long enough to remind me that I'm not alone, there are a lot of people out there who care about me and love me. People who want to help if they can, and will always have my back. To all those people, thank you. I know I'm not the easiest person to like, but you see the "Diamond in the rough" and all the potential I have. Thanks for that.