A New Change

Ok, so for a while now, I've discovered that whenever I get to feeling down about my life, and it goes on for what seems forever, I make a change. It use to be that I'd cut my hair, SHORT, but Dave doesn't like that, so I settled and dyed it instead. I saw this particular color on a friend and asked her if she'd do mine like that. She agreed (THANKS WHIT!!!) to do it on one of her days off, and this is the end result. PLEASE tell me what you think.

It seems like all I hear lately is "I wish it wouldn't rain" or something to that effect. Sure, we've had a TON of rain over the last week or so, and there's more to come, but really, we need it. Dave and I are planing a camping trip to the Jeter Family cabin the 11-13th. Most NORMAL people would hope for no rain if they were going camping, but me and Dave, as everyone who reads this knows, are not normal. We welcome the rain, especially if it brings thunder and lightning storms.
I love the way the rain "cleanses" everything, makes it all seem fresh and new. Sure, on the days we have "down pours" I'm grateful that we don't live in the house on Deon anymore, knowing we'd have a HUGE water mess to clean up in the basement due to the crack in the foundation. Those days also remind me of the many times we'd visit my Grandparents, build boats and rafts out of anything that would float, and follow them down the overflown gutters for hours on end. I got to thinking about the weather, and began to think "this reflects my feelings". For nearly 2yrs now, I've been fighting depression, and though I'm on anti-depressants, it's a come and go thing.
I have had so many people ask me why I'm so depressed, I honestly cannot answer that. I really don't know, maybe it's the fact I punished my grandfather for others' mistakes and didn't get to say goodbye, or my miscarriages. I do not fully know what triggers the depression, but I cope with it the best way I know how. Lately the "episodes" are more frequent, I don't know if I'm gonna need a stronger prescription, but I don't like it, and to try to kick myself of the drugs, I'm starting a journal designated specifically for when I'm on my "downers". This journal won't be written in on a daily basis, just during the times I feel depressed. I will write my feelings down at the time, and try to figure out what triggered my "episode".
I can liken this depression to the weather right now. Like the rainstorms, though it seems like my depression will never end, the sun shines, or my mood is happy, long enough to remind me that I'm not alone, there are a lot of people out there who care about me and love me. People who want to help if they can, and will always have my back. To all those people, thank you. I know I'm not the easiest person to like, but you see the "Diamond in the rough" and all the potential I have. Thanks for that.

Today's Fun

Well, today after my "Power Nap" I got a text message from Shauna wanting to know if I could watch the kids because Colby wanted to come over. (That made me feel REAL good.) I told her I would, and got up and ready for them to arrive. When they got here, I gave Layla her belated birthday present. She's now officially a year old, and still just as tiny as ever. Because I hadn't eaten all day, I fixed a much desired BLT, mopped Mom's Kitchen floor with Colby, and then we got on the computer for a little bit.
When dad got home, he spent some time with Colby, and yes, this is how they spent it.

Because Dad didn't know if it was okay with Shauna, he didn't take Colby for a very long ride. We had a lot of fun with them, Layla flipped out and squealed with delight when she saw this

and I busted a gut seeing the look on her face, as well as the look on the neighbor's face when he drove by. I swear, if the doorway were wide enough, he'd have driven it into the house.
Needless to say, Dad is having some well deserved fun with his inheritance and I enjoy watching the little kid in him come out. Here's the finished product of Merlyn being shaved. I'm proud to say that he walked away without any razor burns, and didn't give me much of a problem while I shaved him. The one with the "jacked/shirt" was from a pair of old pj pants I got from Dan. They had a hole in the rear, so I cut them to help cover Merlyn's wound, to protect it from him scratching.

NEVER A Dull Moment....

So yesterday, the nice woman who bought Grandma's house was cleaning it. She had her Border Collie, Lee, tied up in the back yard, and all the dogs had to investigate and let her know who's boss. Merlyn happened to get between Karma and the Fence, and to put it the way the Vet did, it turned into a bar brawl.
I have no hard feelings toward Karma in any way, sure, she's a Pit, but she's got one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen a dog have. What most people don't see is that she just gets too excited and carried away. We know for a FACT that it's not aggression, if it were, she'd have killed the dogs she's done this to. She also feels deep remorse for what she does, when they come home from the vet, she won't leave the wounded dog's side as if to say she's really sorry she got carried away.
The wound looks much worse than it is, the prep for the surgery took longer than the surgery itself. The top hole was made by Karma, the bottom hole the vet did to let it drain and keep from infection. Merlyn has been a very good patient, and gets as many treats as he wants, considering he has to spend 90% of his days in a cage right now. I will post more pictures after I finish shaving Merlyn. Enjoy.

Mother's Day Weekend....

This last Saturday, I got a really big confidence booster. Shauna and Michael wanted to party with a few of their friends, and asked if I'd watch Layla for a few hours that evening. Colby was in Blackfoot with his mom, and Layla is such a good baby that I agreed to do so. When they dropped her off, Shauna asked me if I'd keep her all night and they'd pick her up in the morning, or if I'd take her home at 4am for them. I told her that I'd have to discuss it with Dave, and that I'd text her and let her know.
Heather and Chas were also down long enough to drop Panda off for the night. I told them that she could stay in my room as well, in Merlyn's wire crate. Bedtime rolled around and Dave and I decided that rather than wake Layla up by taking her home, she could just sleep over, and so we let Shauna know. We took the top to my Papesan chair, put it on the floor on my side of the bed, and lied Layla down in it. She slept all night and around 5:30am fussed a little until I gave her bottle to her. She slept until her mom picked her up at 11am. As for Panda, she did just as good. She was up and wanting to play at 8am, so I took her and Mason and Merlyn upstairs to run and play.
It really meant a lot to me to know that Shauna and Michael trust me completely with their kids. To say "Why don't you keep them for the night" touched me deeply, especially with the problems I've been having with Kaitlynn's dad. Since that issue started, I've really began to doubt and question myself. I've been told I've done nothing wrong, that I'm an excellent babysitter who is great with the kids. I can't help questioning myself worth, but am trying one day at a time. It helps that I have family and a handful of friends to lean on. You guys know who you are, and I want to thank you for that. It means more than you'll EVER know.

Lighter Spirits

So yesterday, all day long, all I heard was playful banter back and forth between mom and dad. Feeling my oats from a stressful week, I got a wild hair so to speak and started in on the banter. At one point, mom told me to take care of a box full of packing peanuts that my Summer Scents from Gold Canyon were shipped in. After Dad and Mom went down to Wii, I took the box of peanuts to their room, pulled their sheets back and spread the packing peanuts all over the bed. Then I put the sheets back to where they had them, and threw the box in the garage.
Nothing was said, nobody was in the room, until Bed Time. I was on Facebook when mom was heading to bed. Before too long I heard mom exclaim " Jessica Hollingsworth". I burst into laughter listening to her rant things like "what am I going to do with you", "brat", "turkey". It was HILARIOUS. Meanwhile, Dad is wandering around the house trying to figure out what's going on. I told him to go to bed and he'd know, so he headed to his room. Mom recruited him to help clean the bed, and I just sat in the computer room, laughing and doing my own thing on Facebook.
It really made my night, but what topped it all off is when Dave went to their room, and said to mom. "I hear you're moving." Mom said "Why?" and he said " because I see you're packing" She said she knows some kids who'll be packing if they're not careful. It was all said out of fun, but she warned me to watch my back. Empty threats.............
THERE WILL BE MORE TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Father

Since our neighbor across the street was found dead in Feb, his father and friends have been working around the clock to get the estate settled. A few days ago, Dad came home with 2 photos that surprisingly enough, really fit him. the first, I will admit is "dad's" profile. The second, would have been my father and Grandpa.





Dad likes them so much that he hung them in the computer room, and that's what you get to look at when you look away from the computer.
On a happier note, I'm beginning to come to grips on Grandma's house. They've found a buyer for it, and from what I hear, she's a really neat person. I've asked to keep a tulip from Grandma's flower bed, and the new owner said that it would be ok. It still breaks my heart that I can't have it, and keep it in the family, but it's just a material thing that I can replace with the memories I have of her.
Anyway, I need to get running to make sure the dogs are still in the yard. I promised a 4yr old a trip to the petting zoo today and need to run a few errands before we go.