Talk About Inspiration

Ok, brace yerselves, for the first time in a VERY long time, yours truely pulled her LAZY butt out of bed this morning and actually showed her face at church. I was amazed with myself for I hadn't had much sleep. Due to Dave snoring all night and being able to hear him THROUGH the earplugs, I hadn't been able to doze off until he died down around 4:30am. Mom called me 30 min before church started and knowing she woke me up, decided to tell me that she'd see me after church.
Here's where the inspiration comes in, after I got off the phone with her, I lied ther and thought "I can always take a nap when I get home" so I dragged my sorry carcass out of bed, got dressed and headed to Relief Society. When the lesson came, I chuckled a bit because it was about apostasizing (not sure of the spelling but ya get the point) and immediately thought "of all the days I decide to come". I payed deep attention to the lesson though it was a struggle to stay awake, and knew it was meant for me in a way.
I have had a hard time going back to church since our previous ward treated us the way they did, and I know that you don't go to church for the people, but for yourself. Since we changed wards, I've yearned to get back into church, I want to renew my temple reccomend and go back to the temple, I need to. It's hard for me, but though I don't make it to church much, doesn't mean I don't have a testimony of the gospel. Lying there last night listening to Dave, I began evaluating my life, trying to find out why I'm on anti-depressants, why I'm not as happy as I should. I realized that I've managed to shove aside the one thing that should be first in my life, Heavenly Father. I always talk about praying, reading my scriptures, but end up shrugging it off. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to clean house physically, today was the beginning of me cleaning house spiritually. There are a lot of big changes I need to make in my life, and looking at Tucker, reminded me that there are children of mine in heaven waiting for me to raise them and teach them the importance of the gospel.
Today really opened my eyes, it's time to pour the "sand" out of my lamp and begin filling it with oil so to speak. I really need to set a better example of those around me, and become that strong woman I once was. It's not going to be easy, and I fear I'll be doing it on my own, pray for me that I can succeed at this one thing, maybe I'll do a good turn around soon.